I had to rise from my (swine?) flu sufferer’s bed to write this. My head works on auxiliary power, my knees are burning softly, my thought only accepts boiled red wine with cinnamon, bay leaves, and pepper corns, plus two spoons of honey and a slice of lemon per cup. It is important that I should write this though, as the future of the mankind may depend on it, so every time you find a spelling mistake, please sneeze with me and every time you think it’s a typing fault, just blow your nose.
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We have now details and even the first picture of the female alien that was discovered on Earth less than 72 hours ago!
She seems to be a very young individual, genetically designed to mimic the human race, yet disturbingly perfect. At the first glance, she could pass as an earthling for the untrained eye. Her limbs are small and strong but svelte; her body is sporty, though she appears to be too young to walk; her head resembles a rugby ball placed behind the face of a Buddha with a tall forehead complemented by a punk hairdo.
The alien’s eyes are like two rapid scanners with dilated pupils and the irises of the deep ocean colour. Due to the huge amount of information the female alien can gather in every single second, her eyes are normally closed, as she analyses data or simply meditates.
Our inside sources have not confirmed her name yet, but it is believed the tiny alien can borrow names from other aliens among us. We will simply call her THE SHE ALIEN.
The only way of telling who is and who is not an alien is actually bringing the suspected person into her close proximity and study their reaction. A human would just marvel at the beauty and strangeness of the creature. A lower ranked alien will try to make contact by touching her nose in acknowledgement. A chief alien will hold her hand for lengthy periods of time to exchange information that is impossible to traduce (and would be meaningless anyway) to humans.
Only one picture of this extraordinary young example of extraterrestrial is available to us and, though we can only confirm the authenticity of the source and not of the material, we credit our inside alien connection for its disclosure. We can positively inform our readers that no other media has this information at the time of its release on mockoblog.com. More precisely, not even the Extraterrestrial Embassy in Kazakhstan has published or has formally accepted any information on the She Alien.
I have received this photo by fax, so I must apologize for its very low quality.
The location of her landing was not disclosed but there are speculations that it was carefully chosen in a remote, yet developed area of our planet, so her future mission could be both better monitored and heavily impacting on humans.
We are informed that She Alien is well and developing fast. She has been implanted in a normal human family. (Note that implanted is a less common alien practice, the exact opposite of the abduction, which is more widely spread.) According to unconfirmed sources, the host family suffers of swine flu but the alien life form is not affected by this disease to which humans have no natural immunity.
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DESPITE THEIR HIGH RISK PROFILE CAUSED BY LENGHTY MISSIONS THAT INVOLVE FREQUENT FLYING AND INTENSE CONTACT WITH HUMANS, NO CASES OF SWINE FLU HAVE EVER BEEN REPORTED AMONG THE ALIEN DELEGATION CURRENTLY VISITING OUR PLANET, SAYS A WORLD EXO-HEALTH ORGANIZATION SPOKESWOMAN WHO PREFFERS TO REMAIN UNNAMED. UNOFFICIAL SOURCES HAVE SUGGESTED THAT THE ALIEN CURRENT DELEGATION TO EARTH AND THE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC WERE AMONG THE SUBJECTS ON THE HIDDEN AGENDA TALKS BETWEEN PRESIDENT OBAMA AND PRIME MINISTER PUTIN. DURING OBAMA’S VISIT TO RUSSIA, THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL EMBASSY IN KAZACKSTAN ISSUED NO STATEMENTS FOR THE HUMAN MEDIA.
