Posts Tagged ‘history’

My First Abduction

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

A True Story

I was first abducted by a long-haired alien when I was a young bull with no brain between my horns, just having managed to survive the compulsory army camp all Soviet boys had to go through. I was a sitting duck when the she alien landed in my neighborhood.

She was long and svelte, yet short and curvy and her beauty was leaving behind a comet’s trail of hair that could be red had it not been exo-green. She smiled on occasions and cried a lot. Her language was odd and I never tried to understand it more than a never-ending chant. She scribbled little funny dots and lines that looked more like seafood then letters.  She smelled of disaster and grapes. Holding her hand was like falling in a crevasse, as our fingers would never want to stay still and the History of the Universe was at crossroads when we were walking together had in hand in that muddy reality. We became stars.

Or did we?

That she alien was slowly absorbing me and taking me into a dimension I couldn’t understood, so I fought back. And back fought I the more, the more she wanted me to slip for good into her uncharted world.

We mingled among students in a huge university cut out of grey stone in the midst of a dark city of two million and soon found our own retreat underground. There was a small window at the pavement level but time itself was mainly night, as fragile creatures visiting our cruel world can’t stand our Sun when playing games of power and desire. We shared a table, a chair, a cupboard and a bed.  Had books. Had dreams. Had each other.

In summertime we would go hiding badly in places where anyone could see how beautiful we were. This photo was taken then to serve as a sample on board her mother ship as the experiment progressed.

SheAlienAndAuthor1989green

In our bunker we had a tin pot for brewing coffee, cooking Earth roots and warming water to wash our time travel fluids with.  I was hoping for the American bomb to flash us still out of that life and print us together onto the basement’s wall.  She hoped for her I-never-knew-what.

One day she was gone.

The abduction was over and I dropped to the floor. Almost dead, yet safe from her witchcraft. I pulled myself together and I learned to forgive and forget. I lived.

I lived perhaps to the edge of my grave only to find out that all this time I’ve been watched, monitored, tested through my soul implants, maybe even loved by that incarnation that’s now nowhere to be seen, yet still holds my life in her beautiful alien palm. Should I fear a second abduction?

How to Make Love in a Fishing Boat

Friday, October 9th, 2009

It’s been a while since the last mockopost. It would have been even longer but for the sake of an idea I thought I had and in fact it was nothing at all, yet it got me going.

This post should actually be called “What Is Love” but I found that “How to Make Love in a Fishing Boat” sounds a bit more lucrative, advertorial and should therefore bring a few more readers.

What is love making? It’s hard to say. Anyone can come up with a definition based on experience, desire, dreams, frustrations, you name it! With some help from our friend Google, I looked for photos. The “moderate search” had to be on in order to avoid conflicts with the very rating of mockoblog.com. I did find one interesting picture sent by our ocean-dwelling cousins:

star-fish-making-love

Then I found a human version:

max-bmwf-wall

And finally, this one, 100% Platonic:

Love_Making_by_specialsally

All I needed was to find a suitable fishing boat and I did:

Lombok_Islands-Fishing_boat

Why did I post this? There is only one creature on this planet who knows. And it’s not a human.

The Mockocast

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Soon our best mockoposts will be adapted for the Internet and mockocasted! (This be voice you can listen to if you can’t be bothered reading or if you just can’t.) No, at first there will be no pictures; just use your imagination. (That be the top half of your IQ.)

A team of webmasters, sound engineers, voice-over artists and some radio personalities, togehter with a few notorious bloggers, a bunch of ex-international journalists and many other equally important folk, one of them making a cup of tea, are working as we speak to insure that the mockocasts will be produced can be released soon. The very first episode will only be launched as a collectible edition!

In the future the mockoteam will present interviews with celebs incognito and even live mockocasts from our IP studios, but one step at a time!

Step one: mobile fone in hand or eyes on your PC screen! Step two: stay tuned! Step three: just stay there a bit longer, yes, slightly to the right! That’s it!

The Worst Website Ever – swapid.com

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

During my random searches on the Net (mostly looking for robots) I came across the most ridiculous website. Web page, I should say, as it is not a website (yet?), or maybe I should call it web document as it’s not really a page; or not even a document, it’s just a web text.

I wanted to print screen copy it and post it here but it’s not worth the hassle. Just go have a look at swapid.com – what an exaggerate load of crap!

Let’s swap our ID !!! Let’s have an ID-swapping party 🙂

Or maybe swapid is a verb, like: “I’ll swapid you tonight, baby!” or maybe  “Swapida la vista!” Sick stuff, really!

I asked our friends from Google to show me photos of ID swapping and this is what they came up with at  number 1 across the web:

A POKEMON!!!

This the Pokemon

There’s a better one later down the search results:

Pokemon_Types

This one bellow is a great picture, as it’s not even a picture but has a lot to do with the swaps.

id-swap-m

My favourite on this search is a more sophisticated one (I have enlarged it for a better view as it was just tiny like a miniature work of art on the Net):

wow speedy art

I don’t know what you make of this, but to me it is full of drama and it really tells a long story in one shaky frame. It says: “I’m the frustrated boy racer with a frustratingly slow car, that does ZERO miles per hour at ZERO rpm but some of my other systems work!”

However, nothing can beat the greatest idiotic web proposition ever: swapid.com – I reserve for you the pleasure to get it straight from the horse’s mouth. It only takes one minute if you have a slow connection and it requires about half a neuron to comprehend what’s there and how useless it is!