Posts Tagged ‘mobile phone’

History in the Mocking (III) – The True about the Book: Past, Present and Future

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

The Mockoblog was mentioned yesterday on the Radio New Zealand National’s  (we think) most prestigious cultural programme:   Saturday Morning, hosted by Kim Hill (see http://www.radionz.co.nz/saturday  –  for archived audio interviews, podcasts, and information about featured guests and music).

For those of you not fortunate enough to live in New Zealand or to listen to its international and web casts, Kim Hill is like Oprah, with a few differences: her shows are made with less budget, have better content and the IQ average of the followers could be double (don’t quote me on this, I misplaced the stats this info is coming from, yet it may be underestimated).

Well, the mockoblog was not mentioned on air due to its merits. The producers didn’t look for it desperately. It was rather the other way around: I bumped into the show though an email. Kim had an interview about books, e-books and all sort of related stuff and this author could not help himself, wrote an urgent email on his smartphone and send it straight away. Here it is:

<<Dear Kim,

The book was born centuries ago as a veichle [sic!] for the story. Form vs content.

Yet the story had been created by the first humans to pass on information to the future generations. The stories were collective and intractive [sic!] in the old history of mankind but the book and now the ebook [sic!] became selfish forms, confining the screwing content and generating the concept of author.

The future of the story is its past: interactive as they are again, the true new books live on the internet, thus they are mortal and dynamic again.

Please check the concept of mockoblog as this is an example of new gendre [sic!] just being born as we speak. There’s an alternative history there, too.

Kind regards, […]>>

Kim red this email live on the radio and underscored the mistakes. I felt totally embarrassed. My English is poor enough. As it is. But the predictive text in my Nokia, which is perhaps the best fast spelling tool, is not good enough if you’re a bit slow with electronic devices, have big fingers, no glasses and don’t pay attention to the learning system inbuilt in this phone’s dictionary.  She said I was inventing the word gendre. I was not but maybe I should add it to MOKOPEDIA anyway:

Gendre = this is to gender and genre what mule is to horse and donkey.

Thank you Kim Hill! I’ll keep on listening your Saturday morning shows unless in a deep coma or worse.

*

Here the history of the book should have continued, but I was told by one of my many readers (that by now has exceeded two, excluding search engines and spammers) that my posts are too long and there size extends over the normal attention spam of the average blog reader. I tried to explain that my blog is not an average blog and that my readers are NO WAY average readers. I lost this debate, so, instead of telling you the true history of the book, I’ll just stop and just have my average dinner.

Yet, do you really think my posts are way too long?

*

PS:

About the what to do and the what not to do in a blog I may comment later. But the length of my posts is irrelevant anyway. As you will see in the near future, we will be rejected from the blogosphere, thus becoming (as in the theory of the Universe and other mathematical big stuff) a singularity. This is not a nasty blog at all, thus it doesn’t obey the rules of a blog. It’s a nice mockoblog and it has its own internal laws, if any. To compare the two notions, think of dictatorship (the blog) and democracy (the mockoblog).

Another feature of a sucessful blog is not to post twice in one day. The readers will only read the last stuff you’ve published. This may be true for their readers. Future will prove that the mockoblog doesn’t follow this advice either. Think of  Ronald Regan: he won the Cold War because he changed the rules of the game, of course. He was an actor for longer time than he was a president. The Soviet leaders, Gorby included, had always been communist politicians. Take their toys away and they’ll be lost.

The Devil in the Mobile Phone II (It's Getting Worse)

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Hello again!

Can we put this in very fine print? Like: terms and conditions? So glad to see you again, especially knowing that YOU in fact don’t exist, ‘cause nobody’s actually reading this blog.

This should be Mockoblog Mockolog # whatever, but I won’t call a number because it’s mainly on one topic.

I disappeared for a few days trying to make sense of my new phone. This is like starting to look after a new born baby. With a wee difference: the mum’s at the pub, you’re not the father, the lights are off and the baby smiles like Sigourney Weaver’s lost alien first born.

It took me one day to get all the accessories I (thought I) needed, one day to download software and most of the next day to find and remove the software I didn’t need or it was not working or it was working when I didn’t want it to or it was simply just costing me money while it was sitting there and doing nothing.

Then I attempted to open the instructions, but I only got as far as page 49 out of 221. You see, it gets very personal around page 50 and I don’t feel yet prepared for it. General stuff, yes, no problems! Well, I mean why not give it a go?!

The first pages are just easy stuff: warnings not to drop the handset in boiling water and reassurance that if you do so and then attempt to pull it out with your bare hands, the manufacturer won’t pay your hospital’s bill + loud sound settings may damage my hearing aid (I had to go and get one to comply with this eventuality, as I’d never thought I really needed one before) + some parts of the phone may actually be internal and/or external antennae, thus I should not be surprised if I get too good reception or/and some devices around may start tweeting while the phone is in use (I had to subscribe to the Twitter website to comply with this one).

Another feature that I found considerably improved from my previous cellphone was the video calling. My ex-phone, four years old and not a smartphone, had videocalling as well. The problem was nobody else among my three relatives and considerably fewer friends did or wanted to use it with me. Now all this has changed and it took a dramatically positive turn when I bought my new phone: I gave the other one away and I can video call it as much as I want. At the other end, one of my close relatives (aren’t they all so close?) has two choices: to answer or not to answer. Let’s say it’s an answer! Then there are two more possibilities: the remote phone is set to receive video calls or it is not set to. In the latter case the call doesn’t proceed as a normal voice call, no, I just get hung up. But let’s say the right setting is on and I can video call! Then we need to find something important to show, not only to say. The video conversation goes like this:

“Hi, is that you?” (of course, I can see him)

“Can you see me?” (see above)

“Errr… so you are OK, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” (obviously)

“Errr, OK, show me something.” (embarrassed smile)

“OK, let me switch to the other camera to show you around.” (this is when I do something wrong and I loose contact, $2.50 later)

*

In fact this conversation should have been:

“Alpha Tango Charlie, do you copy? Over!”

(static)

“Alpha Tango Charlie, this is Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me? Over!”

“Alpha Lima Zulu, this is Alpha Tango Charlie! I can copy you! Loud and clear! Your little friend in Phuket sends smiles all over my phone. (brief switch to a secure channel) She misses you. Over!”

“Can you switch to visuals? Over!”

“Affirmative! Switching to visuals! Over!”

“Roger!”

“I’ve got visuals now! Alpha Lima Zulu, what’s that thing behind you??? Over!”

“It’s the – errr – roger me Alpha Tango Charlie?”

“Positive! What’s it doing? Switch to the main cam! Alpha Lima Zulu! Main cam! Roger?”

“Main cam online! Start rolling! Over!”

“Roger that! Rolling on HD visuals and sensors. What’s that thing? Over!”

“I’ve got company. Must cruise in two! What do Intelligence say? Over?”

(encryption gap)

“Alpha Lima Zulu! Intelligence reckon it’s just a launch pad. A dummy one. Over.”

“You gettin’ the frickin’ time delay link? Is it looped? Can you copy visuals? Rocket launch! Rolling? M.F.G. Burn! Burn!”

“Alpha Lima Zulu! Intelligence reckon this pad’s been used before. Got CONF from SATS. It’s Kim Jong Il’s son nomination. Fireworks and stuff, I guess. Roger that? Young chap Jong Un. Roger that? –  Lost visuals. Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me? Alpha Tango Charlie calling Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me?”

(white noise)

“What the – – – Intelligence, we just lost Numero Uno in the bloody filed! Over! F for F….ing Over!”

” Roger that. Not to worry, New Numero Uno!The French just lost a plane full of people. Intelligence over and out!”

*

This is what I call a video conversation. Even without video. And on Government’s money.

Yet video calling is not the best feature of my phone. Do you think GPS and GPS/satellite navigation is? I’ll tell you next time. Now I have to change some user profiles  to better personalize myself.

The Devil in the Mobile Phone I (So Far, So Good)

Friday, May 29th, 2009

MockoBlog MockoLog #5

I’m not a geek.

Not me! I like the outdoors, I go fishing, I play tennis after work, I go camping just with a small tent and I’d like to spend more time weeding my veggie garden.

I think society has become far too dependant on electronics. But not me!

My MP3 player is only 128 MB and I can’t remember where I put it anyway. I had my last cellphone for about four years. I use the same PC since the last millenium, with some improvements caused mainly by broken parts. My stereo at home can not even read re-writable CDs and I have never downloaded “cool free stuff off the Internet”, with the exception of a Trojan a few years ago. I don’t think electronics are worth investing in unless you use them to save time, make more money or if they are a real necessity, like a marine UHF radio when your small boat’s motor stops working 2 miles off shore (it happened to me – twice!).

I’m no fan of big companies that provide our communication services, either. This may be just because I couldn’t find a single one to offer all the services I need in a reasonable package. I get bills from: a satellite TV network, a mobile phone provider, a land line telephone corporate, another phone company who gives me broadband internet and toll calls, I host my website elsewhere and occasionally I may buy a cheap call card or I may pay voice over IP because most of my family are on another continent. (Actually, if you are in New Zealand, most other people tend to be on another continent and that continent tends to no be close enough.) Add these bills and you’ll figure out why I’m spending my time writing a blog nobody reads instead of holidaying in Isla Margarita.

To be continued – I got to go and read the 121 pages of instructions for the new smart phone I bought yesterday and subscribe to some online essential services to be able to use it as a GPS, an internet radio, a mini-laptop and even to write the MockoBlog on it. See you later!