Posts Tagged ‘creation’

CHECK THIS OUT! The Worst Web Host Award

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

Dear Readers,

Have a look at the post bellow to see why we had virtually no activity in the past few days, then have a look to the right to see who’s fault it was.

Thank you for understanding!

The Mockoblog Team

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JustHostFront

Lovely slogan: “The last hosting plan you’ll ever need.”

Yeah, Right!

Are we not a very nice bunch of very nice people? Look what they’ve done to us and we adveretise for them free on our site. (DISCLAIMER: I forgot to ask for their permission to use their advert. Not to mention that the young lady in the photo is not me.)

Due to a Technical Problem Which Occured with Our Hosting Services, All Posts and Comments Written in the Last Fortnight Were Lost

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

This Is Our Last Saved Mockopost:

HOW TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

Life is something nobody’s particularly good at. Do you want proof? Nobody’s survived it yet!

There might be people who think that Bill Gates, with his billions, is happier than some friends of mine who live with three kids on a single medium wage and have not had a holiday since they got married.  Yet they may not even want to compare themselves with the poor villagers in Ethiopia you may see sometimes on TV. Who’s happier? Does money make you happy? If not, what is? Is it health? Is it love? Is it seeing your children grow? Is it the sunset over your corn fields? Your late model Mercedes?  The fact that you just took a painkiller for that toothache? Your football team winning the series? Political freedom? The three pounds you lost last month with the vegetarian diet? Your cake that didn’t get burned when you were on the phone? Your favourite piece of Bach? The fish you caught to feed your village? Finding the true name of God? The discrete readjusting of your tight underwear? Is it a combination of those and of many more?

To understand happiness, you need to seek it. To seek it, you must not have it. Once you get hold of it, it becomes irrelevant. One may say that happiness is living in the present, that fine, immaterial membrane between the past and the future, carpe diem. I don’t think so. How many times have you wished you weren’t there and then doing whatever you had to do and prayed that nightmare would end and you would wake up to the real, much better present?

To make it easier, let’s assume that time did not exist the linear way we are inclined to accept it*. Let’s just suppose that you don’t live on a straight line with many moments from birth to death, like beds on a string. Let’s say today is not any newer that that rainy day when your oxen cart got stuck in mud three winters ago.  In my scenario today is not happening any earlier than they day of your funeral. Imagine there’s no universal time; you shouldn’t care about it anyway when you’re not around, because you are either long dead or yet unborn. The only good use for the past is to learn from it, rather from what we’ve been told by other guys the past might have looked like and this is very subjective stuff to say the least (think of the Bible as a story with many authors and many opinionated scribes working on it ages after things actually happened).

If the time wasn’t linear, all that’s important for you is the collection of moments that affect you directly, the ones that you have or will have a memory of or the ones who will mark you even without you remembering them. Think of a game the purpose of which is to score as many points as possible. The points are these little moments of your life. But how do you actually score? What’s the difference between a point you win and a point you loose? I’m no philosopher or anything like that but I think it’s intention. If you’re doing what you wanted to do and not what you have to because you were told so or because circumstances forced you, than you should be bloody happy and stop whinging about happiness, meaning of life and other crap!

I’ll give you an example of how to live life to the fullest, in happiness, as many moments as possible: It’s late in the afternoon. I just came home from work. I am hungry. My wife is asleep. She doesn’t work. The kitchen sink is full of dishes. The potatoes need peeling, cutting and boiling; the meat needs to be unwrapped, cut and fried. I shall empty the dish washer, fill it with dirty stuff, clean the kitchen throughout, dig the potatoes in the vegetable garden, drive about two miles to buy the meat, come back, peel the potatoes, wash them, put them in the pot, deal with the meat, cook it all and arrange it on a couple of large plates. It this then my intention to gently wake up my wife and present her with this bedside dinner.

Live like this and you’ll be forever happy!

(Disclaimer: some terms, quantities and usage of products and services described in this article may vary.)

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*Even in our simplistic way of understanding time, we should admit that it is not constantly linear. One day in a baby’s life, if the baby was born five days ago, means 20%, which is a huge proportion and could not be neglected. Yet a day in my life, now that I am about 100 years old, accounts for only around 0.00003%; I lived about 36 thousands of them, so each day means less; also think of think of hours, minutes, seconds. For a kid aged five getting that very toy today is more important than it is for you to get a pay rise the following financial year.

Little She Alien Details and Photo Revealed

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

I had to rise from my (swine?) flu sufferer’s bed to write this. My head works on auxiliary power, my knees are burning softly, my thought only accepts boiled red wine with cinnamon, bay leaves, and pepper corns, plus two spoons of honey and a slice of lemon per cup. It is important that I should write this though, as the future of the mankind may depend on it, so every time you find a spelling mistake, please sneeze with me and every time you think it’s a typing fault, just blow your nose.

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We have now details and even the first picture of the female alien that was discovered on Earth less than 72 hours ago!

She seems to be a very young individual, genetically designed to mimic the human race, yet disturbingly perfect. At the first glance, she could pass as an earthling for the untrained eye. Her limbs are small and strong but svelte; her body is sporty, though she appears to be too young to walk; her head resembles a rugby ball placed behind the face of a Buddha with a tall forehead complemented by a punk hairdo.

The alien’s eyes are like two rapid scanners with dilated pupils and the irises of the deep ocean colour. Due to the huge amount of information the female alien can gather in every single second, her eyes are normally closed, as she analyses data or simply meditates.

Our inside sources have not confirmed her name yet, but it is believed the tiny alien can borrow names from other aliens among us. We will simply call her THE SHE ALIEN.

The only way of telling who is and who is not an alien is actually bringing the suspected person into her close proximity and study their reaction. A human would just marvel at the beauty and strangeness of the creature. A lower ranked alien will try to make contact by touching her nose in acknowledgement. A chief alien will hold her hand for lengthy periods of time to exchange information that is impossible to traduce (and would be meaningless anyway) to humans.

Only one picture of this extraordinary young example of extraterrestrial is available to us and, though we can only confirm the authenticity of the source and not of the material, we credit our inside alien connection for its disclosure. We can positively inform our readers that no other media has this information at the time of its release on mockoblog.com. More precisely, not even the Extraterrestrial Embassy in Kazakhstan has published or has formally accepted any information on the She Alien.

I have received this photo by fax, so I must apologize for its very low quality.

FAX000002b20090707

The location of her landing was not disclosed but there are speculations that it was carefully chosen in a remote, yet developed area of our planet, so her future mission could be both better monitored and heavily impacting on humans.

We are informed that She Alien is well and developing fast. She has been implanted in a normal human family. (Note that implanted is a less common alien practice, the exact opposite of the abduction, which is more widely spread.) According to unconfirmed sources, the host family suffers of swine flu but the alien life form is not affected by this disease to which humans have no natural immunity.

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DESPITE THEIR HIGH RISK PROFILE CAUSED BY LENGHTY MISSIONS THAT INVOLVE FREQUENT FLYING AND INTENSE CONTACT WITH HUMANS, NO CASES OF SWINE FLU HAVE EVER BEEN REPORTED AMONG THE ALIEN DELEGATION CURRENTLY VISITING OUR PLANET, SAYS A WORLD EXO-HEALTH ORGANIZATION SPOKESWOMAN WHO PREFFERS TO REMAIN UNNAMED. UNOFFICIAL SOURCES HAVE SUGGESTED THAT THE ALIEN CURRENT DELEGATION TO EARTH AND THE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC WERE AMONG THE SUBJECTS ON THE HIDDEN AGENDA TALKS BETWEEN PRESIDENT OBAMA AND PRIME MINISTER PUTIN. DURING OBAMA’S VISIT TO RUSSIA, THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL EMBASSY IN KAZACKSTAN ISSUED NO STATEMENTS FOR THE HUMAN MEDIA.

Internet Fun – Joke of the Day

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

My friend Steve sent me this:

<<THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man.    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’ I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’

And the moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car.>>