Posts Tagged ‘car’

Ooops!

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

I was driving behind this truck/motor-home when it hit the railway over-bridge today.

Time: 10:55 A.M. Location: Richardson Terrace, Opawa, Christchurch, New Zealand.

(The photo is cellphone quality, yet authentic and exclusive.)

Ups! This bridge is too low or this lorry is too tall.

Nobody got hurt.

Fourteen months ago, another incident happened just meters away:

https://www.mockoblog.com/?p=788

How NOT to Buy – The 2nd Edition

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

A few months back I posted this on mockoblog.com. I thought it would be funny. Now, with the controlled recession around for such a long time, I find it not. Then, I had lots of comments and I deleted them as being superficial. Now, sorry, I have a different feeling about the issue. Please take two minutes of your valuable time and read bellow. You will come to your own conclusions, no doubt.


One of the silliest things I can think of is shopping. And I absolutely love it!

I fully accept that shopping is therapy for depression, obesity, measles, catalepsy and many other conditions I claim not to have.  People go shopping even when their account is in red, they get deeper in debt, yet they fell better. If a new pair of slippers could make you fell reborn, a new car will take you straight to Nirvana (I experienced it eight times).

The daily act of shopping is a bit like having sex, maybe with a softer ending, but safer, generally speaking. Sometimes it can involve a little redundancy (daily dairy shopping across the road) but this is like being in a strong matrimonial relationship: loads of fidelity and no surprises. Yet some other times shopping is a heavenly experience: go to Paris or Melbourne, Milan or Tokyo, get a cab and ask the driver to stop as soon as you see a shop with the letter ‘N’ third on its name or just walk on a busy commercial street and pick the seventh shop on the left. Go in and I bet you’ll find something to buy. Now, this is like having a one night stand and waking up with no hangover and the love of your life bringing you breakfast in bed. The only significant difference is that with shopping you can experience this far more often than in real life.

Shopping is power: I can buy; therefore I must have money, which means I’ve got the power.

Shopping is kindness: I can buy something for you; therefore I show you how much I care and how important you really are for me. (And shopping for YOU means even more power: I’m so powerful that I can even afford to  buy it for you, not for ME.)

In a way or another, for many years I sold stuff or I advertised for other people’s stuff so they could sell it better. I know the look in the eyes of a person who wants to buy as well as the expression on the face of somebody who can not afford buying. Shopping is a drug. It is more addictive than nicotine, it is compulsive and unforgiving. Its high is very short lived when compared to how much you spent for achieving it and, what’s worse, shopping is not only legal, but encouraged. In fact shopping is the vital force of our society and one of the few differences between our species and the others.

Having had a lot to do with shopping and selling, I thought I may write a book on how NOT to buy stuff. I’d put really cool little secrets in there, like how not to make eye contact with the salesman and how not to… Forget it! I’m hoping a smart publisher will read this blog and offer me a contract for the printed, podcasted, DVD recorded and the online versions of How Not to Buy. Sorry, this is why I won’t disclose any tricks in here. (Not just yet.) I hope you’ve enjoyed the introduction though.

Ups!

Saturday, April 17th, 2010

FACT: I stopped 150 meters short of reaching home.

car in river 1

car in river 1

RUMOR: Nobody was hurt.

car in river 2

car in river 2

ACTION: NZ Police sent a rescue diver straight away.

car in river 3

car in river 3

CHARITY AUCTION: Due to the tidal nature of this river (Heathcote Estuary, Canterbury, New Zealand), free test-drives are being offered only at low tide. You may book one by registering on our website.

car in river 4

car in river 4

Due to a Technical Problem Which Occured with Our Hosting Services, All Posts and Comments Written in the Last Fortnight Were Lost

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

This Is Our Last Saved Mockopost:

HOW TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

Life is something nobody’s particularly good at. Do you want proof? Nobody’s survived it yet!

There might be people who think that Bill Gates, with his billions, is happier than some friends of mine who live with three kids on a single medium wage and have not had a holiday since they got married.  Yet they may not even want to compare themselves with the poor villagers in Ethiopia you may see sometimes on TV. Who’s happier? Does money make you happy? If not, what is? Is it health? Is it love? Is it seeing your children grow? Is it the sunset over your corn fields? Your late model Mercedes?  The fact that you just took a painkiller for that toothache? Your football team winning the series? Political freedom? The three pounds you lost last month with the vegetarian diet? Your cake that didn’t get burned when you were on the phone? Your favourite piece of Bach? The fish you caught to feed your village? Finding the true name of God? The discrete readjusting of your tight underwear? Is it a combination of those and of many more?

To understand happiness, you need to seek it. To seek it, you must not have it. Once you get hold of it, it becomes irrelevant. One may say that happiness is living in the present, that fine, immaterial membrane between the past and the future, carpe diem. I don’t think so. How many times have you wished you weren’t there and then doing whatever you had to do and prayed that nightmare would end and you would wake up to the real, much better present?

To make it easier, let’s assume that time did not exist the linear way we are inclined to accept it*. Let’s just suppose that you don’t live on a straight line with many moments from birth to death, like beds on a string. Let’s say today is not any newer that that rainy day when your oxen cart got stuck in mud three winters ago.  In my scenario today is not happening any earlier than they day of your funeral. Imagine there’s no universal time; you shouldn’t care about it anyway when you’re not around, because you are either long dead or yet unborn. The only good use for the past is to learn from it, rather from what we’ve been told by other guys the past might have looked like and this is very subjective stuff to say the least (think of the Bible as a story with many authors and many opinionated scribes working on it ages after things actually happened).

If the time wasn’t linear, all that’s important for you is the collection of moments that affect you directly, the ones that you have or will have a memory of or the ones who will mark you even without you remembering them. Think of a game the purpose of which is to score as many points as possible. The points are these little moments of your life. But how do you actually score? What’s the difference between a point you win and a point you loose? I’m no philosopher or anything like that but I think it’s intention. If you’re doing what you wanted to do and not what you have to because you were told so or because circumstances forced you, than you should be bloody happy and stop whinging about happiness, meaning of life and other crap!

I’ll give you an example of how to live life to the fullest, in happiness, as many moments as possible: It’s late in the afternoon. I just came home from work. I am hungry. My wife is asleep. She doesn’t work. The kitchen sink is full of dishes. The potatoes need peeling, cutting and boiling; the meat needs to be unwrapped, cut and fried. I shall empty the dish washer, fill it with dirty stuff, clean the kitchen throughout, dig the potatoes in the vegetable garden, drive about two miles to buy the meat, come back, peel the potatoes, wash them, put them in the pot, deal with the meat, cook it all and arrange it on a couple of large plates. It this then my intention to gently wake up my wife and present her with this bedside dinner.

Live like this and you’ll be forever happy!

(Disclaimer: some terms, quantities and usage of products and services described in this article may vary.)

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*Even in our simplistic way of understanding time, we should admit that it is not constantly linear. One day in a baby’s life, if the baby was born five days ago, means 20%, which is a huge proportion and could not be neglected. Yet a day in my life, now that I am about 100 years old, accounts for only around 0.00003%; I lived about 36 thousands of them, so each day means less; also think of think of hours, minutes, seconds. For a kid aged five getting that very toy today is more important than it is for you to get a pay rise the following financial year.