Posts Tagged ‘robots’

My First Abduction

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

A True Story

I was first abducted by a long-haired alien when I was a young bull with no brain between my horns, just having managed to survive the compulsory army camp all Soviet boys had to go through. I was a sitting duck when the she alien landed in my neighborhood.

She was long and svelte, yet short and curvy and her beauty was leaving behind a comet’s trail of hair that could be red had it not been exo-green. She smiled on occasions and cried a lot. Her language was odd and I never tried to understand it more than a never-ending chant. She scribbled little funny dots and lines that looked more like seafood then letters.  She smelled of disaster and grapes. Holding her hand was like falling in a crevasse, as our fingers would never want to stay still and the History of the Universe was at crossroads when we were walking together had in hand in that muddy reality. We became stars.

Or did we?

That she alien was slowly absorbing me and taking me into a dimension I couldn’t understood, so I fought back. And back fought I the more, the more she wanted me to slip for good into her uncharted world.

We mingled among students in a huge university cut out of grey stone in the midst of a dark city of two million and soon found our own retreat underground. There was a small window at the pavement level but time itself was mainly night, as fragile creatures visiting our cruel world can’t stand our Sun when playing games of power and desire. We shared a table, a chair, a cupboard and a bed.  Had books. Had dreams. Had each other.

In summertime we would go hiding badly in places where anyone could see how beautiful we were. This photo was taken then to serve as a sample on board her mother ship as the experiment progressed.

SheAlienAndAuthor1989green

In our bunker we had a tin pot for brewing coffee, cooking Earth roots and warming water to wash our time travel fluids with.  I was hoping for the American bomb to flash us still out of that life and print us together onto the basement’s wall.  She hoped for her I-never-knew-what.

One day she was gone.

The abduction was over and I dropped to the floor. Almost dead, yet safe from her witchcraft. I pulled myself together and I learned to forgive and forget. I lived.

I lived perhaps to the edge of my grave only to find out that all this time I’ve been watched, monitored, tested through my soul implants, maybe even loved by that incarnation that’s now nowhere to be seen, yet still holds my life in her beautiful alien palm. Should I fear a second abduction?

The Worst Website Ever – swapid.com

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

During my random searches on the Net (mostly looking for robots) I came across the most ridiculous website. Web page, I should say, as it is not a website (yet?), or maybe I should call it web document as it’s not really a page; or not even a document, it’s just a web text.

I wanted to print screen copy it and post it here but it’s not worth the hassle. Just go have a look at swapid.com – what an exaggerate load of crap!

Let’s swap our ID !!! Let’s have an ID-swapping party 🙂

Or maybe swapid is a verb, like: “I’ll swapid you tonight, baby!” or maybe  “Swapida la vista!” Sick stuff, really!

I asked our friends from Google to show me photos of ID swapping and this is what they came up with at  number 1 across the web:

A POKEMON!!!

This the Pokemon

There’s a better one later down the search results:

Pokemon_Types

This one bellow is a great picture, as it’s not even a picture but has a lot to do with the swaps.

id-swap-m

My favourite on this search is a more sophisticated one (I have enlarged it for a better view as it was just tiny like a miniature work of art on the Net):

wow speedy art

I don’t know what you make of this, but to me it is full of drama and it really tells a long story in one shaky frame. It says: “I’m the frustrated boy racer with a frustratingly slow car, that does ZERO miles per hour at ZERO rpm but some of my other systems work!”

However, nothing can beat the greatest idiotic web proposition ever: swapid.com – I reserve for you the pleasure to get it straight from the horse’s mouth. It only takes one minute if you have a slow connection and it requires about half a neuron to comprehend what’s there and how useless it is!

He Who Owns You

Friday, August 21st, 2009

H1great fun not mine

H12 cemetery fake

What is life? Who runs this business? (Don’t look for excuses, you atheist prick! This mockopost is not about God!) What’s your Exo-IQ?

How would you feel waking up floating above your death bed with the sudden realisation that now you are in possession of the final truth? What if this truth were that all your life was spent serving as a nameless slave amidst million of nameless slaves? It doesn’t sound like fun, does it?

H2 lord-byron-on-his-death-bed

Yet, just like they say in those endless infomercials, “But wait! There is more!”:

H3 infomercial

Imagine that not only you’re well dead and yet aware of this  scary new state of vertigo, but you’re also a non-believer in life after life. As much as you might be floating freely in an out of body experience, you are actually in a very tight spot. This is not the right  place and this is not the best timing to receiving more bad news.

H4 outofbody

Guess what!? ” This special offer doesn’t end here!”

H5 - pandoras box wow

It becomes clear to you that you only had a single go at the Earthly human life, hence the realisation you’ve just screwed it! Just another bloody slave!

H6 Slave-Chain-Thanks Great Pic

“Order now and get the full benefit of this one-off deal!”

H7 - deal religious stuff

The worse part is not only that you wasted it all, but you also served and died anonymously for a master who’s grace, compassion, beauty, mana and IQ do not exceed those of a broken light bulb’s.

____________

Disclaimer

1. Pictures courtesy to the mighty Internet.

2. Wanna know now, while still inside this life, who The Master is? Do you think he or it is your bank? your health? your lover? your God? your username on the Mockoblog?

____________

“This is the last chance to take advantage of this amazing deal! Only one full bonus package left ant it MUST go to the first caller!”

H8 - not my pic

H9 - i didnt do it

Mate, if you really want to find out who owns you, stay tunned to the mockoposts. Your Exo-IQ won’t drop.

How You Have Become the Taylor-Made User

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

This is where we have come: instead of making the product according to your needs, now the robots are shaping you to suit their product.

U1

They gather your data and you become less personal, have less real choices, spend more time seeking a good product or service then enjoying it and your life is gone.

U2

From fast food to governments, from media networks to the medical system they force you to fit in the appropriate little box.

U3

You, the user, have become merchandise. I bet you love it! It makes you feel unique.

U4

The only catch is that you have to pay them to buy you!