Posts Tagged ‘blog’

The Swine Flu Journal

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

SwineFlueAffected

I should have written this daily, like a dairy, as I am a swine flu denier turned into a believer by the very touch of the disease. Instead, I’m just going to highlight a few stages in how I have perceived this flu.

This log may be written post factum, but it is true and it may make useful reading for those in the Northern Hemisphere, who have not come across this illness in the cold season. I have. The swine flu struck New Zealand, my country, during the Australian winter. There may be a vaccine ready for the likes of the North Americans, Europeans and Asians but I wonder how many will get it in time and how effective is going to be.

The calendar bellow is approximated but the chronological order is right. I apologize for any things that may have been misplaced in this article as they rushed out of my memory.

April 2009:

–          I get the seasonal flu shot and I’m not supposed to be affected by the ordinary flu this winter;

May 2009:

–           First serious news of a swine flu epidemic are originating in Mexico and start spreading around; they eventually rich New Zealand;

–          I get sick and spend three days at home, blaming them on the vaccine taking effect;

–          jokes on this flu appear first, then a few cases

–          some schools with a few cases close for a day or two;

June 2009:

–          mockoblog.com posts pictures related to the swine flu (still accessible on our site) and blames it on the pharmaceutical companies who are the main beneficiaries when it comes to selling anti-viral drugs and vaccines;

SwineStart

–          more and more of my work buddies take sick leave and other people I know stay at home with “the cold”;

–          my preschooler son is ill for about two weeks and three doctors give him three different treatments, none working;

–          this international flue riches pandemic level, which as high as they get;

–          one day at work I feel feverish and I develop sore throat, headache and cough in a matter of hours, I drive to my doc a he comes out with a mask on his face and checks me by my car, outside in the parking in front of his medical practice (he finds me good enough to stay home for five days with nothing else than pain killers; I want to go to work because in this country no work equals no money but I have to stay at home);

–          a swine flu free phone number is launched in New Zealand and my town opens a Pandemic Flu Centre which is the only one to be contacted by those who display flu-like symptoms (patients with flu are not allowed to see their normal GPs);

–          toys and other objects that could facilitate contamination are removed from public places and institutions like banks, large stores, medical centres and get replaced by bottles of antiseptic (many of them manufactured by 3M – have you heard of this brand before?);

–          some places offer free surgical masks, not many;

–          my wife is heavily pregnant;

July 2009:

–          my older son books his holiday in Europe (where it’s summer, unlike down here) but he runs a fever and sleeps a lot;

–          statistics on swine flu cases find their way up the news ladder in this country with the first confirmed deaths;

–          it is announced that test will not be carried on all suspected cases because there are too many anyway;

–          my wife starts coughing two days before having the baby;

–          my older son feels better but still coughs a lot;

–          in hospital with our new born daughter my wife tries not to be heard coughing because she fears both could be sent home;

–          they come home three days after birth and my wife runs a very high fever, so we call the swine flue dedicated line and ask what is to be done when a mother with a new born has flu symptoms; we are basically told not to worry,;

–          next day my wife goes to the pandemic flu centre and demands to be told what the flue does to little babies (nobody seems to know); she is finally given a test and sent home;

–          next day her GP calls us with the news that the test could be positive;

–          next day the confirmation arrives so my wife has the swine flu and at that stage there are about 300 confirmed cases in this country of about 4,000,000 (only about five death though); no treatment is given to her whatsoever;

–          medical authorities reckon that 80% of the population will get this type of flu;

–          my older son travels freely to Europe and his temperature test is passed in an Asian airport; we don’t know if and how may people in how many countries he may have passed the germ to (perhaps none);

–          our preschool son feels better and can go back into community;

–          I go with this younger son to the flue centre to get tested but this is not necessary, as we are presumed to have had the infection; we are not given any medicine but the pandemic Flu Centre is quite SF-like, everyone wears masks and what seem to be disposable suits, there are guards at the entrance and eight pairs of doctors and nurses work in small cardboard-like boxes with truck loads of patients in a very efficient way; I am told each team sees about 200 cases per day; what’s more touching is that all this centre is improvised in a large ex-garage,  bleak post-industrial building and the atmosphere is so much like M*A*S*H that we take photos inside

SwineFlu110709

–          news of dangers for pregnant women and unborn babies emerge from Australia while in New Zealand statistics run hot: nine out of ten cases of flu are “swine” and only one “seasonal”;

–          I calculate my own stats: if 8 doctors see 200 patients a day this makes 1600; of those 1440 may have the swine flu; if these ones have an average of two other people close to them, due to the highly infectious virus, those also have to be counted, which brings the daily total to 4320; in two months this may be about 260,000 people; my town’s population is just over 400,000;

–          one day I get very sick again, this time I drive home and I check my temperature: 36.3 Celsius at 6:00 PM and 39.9 at 9:00 PM, after taking Panadol (Paracetamol); at night I almost cough my soul out of my chest, and I have severe pains, including o huge zone in my right lung;

–          next morning I’m at the Pandemic Flu Centre again and I am told that this type of flu can come back; I feel better, though the pneumonia-like symptoms and some fever are still there; I get Tamiflu (not a prescription from the pharmacy, the doc gives the pills to me directly and asks me to take them for five days); I need to go to work as I have used all my annual holiday with this illness and there’s no way an employer would cover the medical costs and accept the losses of the pandemic, at least not in this country; the doctor writes a note and says: “It is one of the few times when I get to issue an order. I ORDER you to stay in isolation for five days. I’m sorry about your employment, there’s nothing we can do about it”;

–          I spend five days at home taking Tamiflu every 12 hours and feeling quite healthy, just coughing; my family seems healthy as well, including the on e travelling in Europe;

August 2009:

–          we’re all coughing a bit;

–          I lost two weeks of work which pretty much means I have to not take much paid holiday for a coupe of years;

–          we know now that the swine flu is not good for the babies and their mums;

–          given how infectious it is, in a scarcely populated country like New Zealand, I estimate that the swine flu has already affected 20-35% of the population, with higher impact in urban centres; lately small swine flue medical bases are closing down and the large ones will follow next week (I guess all the big orders for Tamiflu and the yet-to-be-developed vaccine have been placed);

–          our newborn daughter has not been seen by any medical professional in her first five weeks since she left the hospital because we were considered “lepers” after one of us was confirmed with the swine flu; she now coughs and has mild fever;

–          my medical insurance does not cover this type of disease, after all a milder than normal  influenza;

–          I pay 22% taxes on my wages and, on top of this, 12.5% taxes on everything I buy.

What country are you going to be living in when the swine flu strikes your family, mate?

How Not to Buy

Saturday, June 27th, 2009

Yesterday I found on the Net a former colleague, maybe even friend. We haven’t been in touch for about fifteen years. I saw her last time in Europe, where we both used to live. Now she’s in North America and I’m in the South Pacific. So many years and so many miles apart, I thought of something that we ­must have in common, something that’s so universally valid, that I can share with my friend and she’ll immediately understand and perhaps agree. I dedicate this mockopost to Vianora.

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One of the silliest things I can think of is shopping. And I absolutely love it!

I fully accept that shopping is therapy for depression, obesity, measles, catalepsy and many other conditions I claim not to have.  People go shopping even when their account is in red, they get deeper in debt, yet they fell better. If a new pair of slippers could make you fell reborn, a new car will take you straight to Nirvana (I experienced it eight times).

The daily act of shopping is a bit like having sex, maybe with a softer ending, but safer, generally speaking. Sometimes it can involve a little redundancy (daily dairy shopping across the road) but this is like being in a strong matrimonial relationship: loads of fidelity and no surprises. Yet some other times shopping is a heavenly experience: go to Paris or Melbourne, Milan or Tokyo, get a cab and ask the driver to stop as soon as you see a shop with the letter ‘N’ third on its name or just walk on a busy commercial street and pick the seventh shop on the left. Go in and I bet you’ll find something to buy. Now, this is like having a one night stand and waking up with no hangover and the love of your life bringing you breakfast in bed. The only significant difference is that with shopping you can experience this far more often than in real life.

Shopping is power: I can buy; therefore I must have money, which means I’ve got the power.

Shopping is kindness: I can buy something for you; therefore I show you how much I care and how important you really are for me. (And shopping for YOU means even more power: I’m so powerful that I can even afford to  buy it for you, not for ME.)

In a way or another, for many years I sold stuff or I advertised for other people’s stuff so they could sell it better. I know the look in the eyes of a person who wants to buy as well as the expression on the face of somebody who can not afford buying. Shopping is a drug. It is more addictive than nicotine, it is compulsive and unforgiving. Its high is very short lived when compared to how much you spent for achieving it and, what’s worse, shopping is not only legal, but encouraged. In fact shopping is the vital force of our society and one of the few differences between our species and the others.

Having had a lot to do with shopping and selling, I thought I may write a book on how NOT to buy stuff. I’d put really cool little secrets in there, like how not to make eye contact with the salesman and how not to… Forget it! I’m hoping a smart publisher will read this blog and offer me a contract for the printed, podcasted, DVD recorded and the online versions of How Not to Buy. Sorry, this is why I won’t disclose any tricks in here. (Not just yet.) I hope you’ve enjoyed the introduction though.

History in the Mocking (IV) – How to Shoot Oneself in the Foot (Based on a Common UFO Abduction Story)

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

I now have confirmation from outside the matrix of the internet search robots that the concept of mockoblog exists!

I had applied to the blog catalog thingy to list my blog. It took their robot over 48 hours to come up with this email:

<<BlogCatalog – Submission Declined: Angle Blog – World’s 1st MockoBlog?

From: BlogCatalog ([blablabla]@blogcatalog.com)
You may not know this sender. Mark as safe / Mark as Junk.[My inbox was not smart enough to know whether this was junk or not. I do. Do you?]
Sent: Sunday, 14 June 2009 6:47:27 a.m.
To: [administrator] ([me]@[something].com)

Dear [administrator],

Thank you for submitting your blog Angle Blog – World’s 1st MockoBlog (http://www.angle.co.nz) to BlogCatalog.

Unfortunately upon reviewing your blog we are unable to grant it access to the directory.

Your blog was declined for the following reason:

  • The URL you submitted is not a blog. [History, remember this moment!]

If you believe this to be a mistake, you can login to Blog Catalog ([their address]) and change anything which may have caused it to get declined. After updating your blog, it will be put back into the submission queue.

If you have any questions/comments/suggestions/ideas please feel free to contact us.

Thanks,
BlogCatalog>>

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Not only that I like the syle of this email which is clearly better than the one used by my bank in its monthly statements; also:

I’m over the Moon! I have confirmation from one of the most qualified authorities in the blogosphere that my blog is not a blog. (I never thought it was.) If it’s not a blog, it must be something else. Since nobody know what it is and the blog catalog doesn’t come with an explanation or a definition, it means the mockoblog is just what it says it is: a mockoblog, for the time being THE mockoblog.

However, I’m sorry for the blog catalog people or robots (or a bit of a clone of both – that’s also a new concept, as a respectable clone is usually a copy of only one thing). They are shooting their own foot with great precision by not being part of history in the mocking. Leave me out of the blogosphere (your entrance into that sphere, rather) and you condemn yourself to stay forever outside history. To be more precise: when the non-books of the future are publishing the history of everything, the mockoblog will have its place (I guess somewhere close to the hieroglips, not far from the first CD created by Sony and Philips and perhaps the author of the 1st mockoblog will be found in the same footnote as John Barth or in the very close vicinity of Homer, Dante and Cervantes, not to mention Shakespeare, Roger Waters and some guys who are yet to be born). This reminds me to change my pseudo-name on the mockoblog from the boring and technical “Administrator” into what this (oh, so humble!) author is: “The Creator”. (“Technical support! How do I do that?” – – – Static, then a louder male voice from among a few female little voices – – – “No, you can’t! Over!”)

Anyhow, I had even posted a ranking system from their website on my site. By the way, you may have noticed that normally there are no active links in the body of my posts, if you wish to go to a source I may mention, you have to copy and paste it in your browser, as I don’t believe in free intertextuality at such level as to allow my readers to escape the mockoblog and evade into the unknown. But I digress. I had that link there and from it my readers could be practically sent at warp speed into the blog catalog. Not another window or tab, just out of the mockoblog and into completely something else, highly populated and less original space: a list. It’s like dreaming of a large magnolia in your cosy bed with your cuddly lover wrapped around you and suddenly waking up on a dissection table in some rusty UFO. That’s what links do. (Exceptions are those links that are plane and obvious adverts which may happen to be of interest for the reader of the page, if the reader makes a voluntary decision and click on them, thus also contributing sometimes to sponsoring the actual site the advert is on. But I’m digressing again.)

No worries mate! I’m removing your link altogether. Thanks for letting me know I’m too different to be one of yours. Cheers blog catalog!  See you later!