Is this the work of the Republicans? Is it just the Norwegians by themselves? No way! This has long been in the making.
US President Barack Obama is getting the Nobel Prize for… Peace. Last time a Democrat President was given a gift of this nature, it came from Monica Lewinsky.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband
liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and
decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn’t familiar with the
lake, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her
book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her
and said, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading my book” she replies as she thinks to herself, “Isn’t it
obvious?”
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.
“But officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write
you up.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape,” snapped the irate
woman.
“But, I haven’t even touched you,” groused the sheriff.
“Yes, that’s true,” she replied, “but you do have all the equipment.”
I’m typing this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?
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I am a human being. I was born. I am going to die. Google is not human. It was born, but it will never die. All Google knows about life is how to kill it. To call Google a “Virus” would be a compliment.
I have a story of soft poisoning and harsh stabbing in the back. Ironically for humans but quite normal for robots, this story is everlasting. Many of you, my readers, will come across this story here through Google itself because the robots have no life and can experience no death.
I just hope that what has happened to me is not a global trend. I know we all shall die but I’d rather see our species demise in a funnier way than the Terminator movies predicted.
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This is the story of how Google killed me:
<<Hello,
Thank you for providing us with additional information. However, after thoroughly reviewing your account data and taking your feedback into consideration, we have re-confirmed that your account poses a significant risk to our advertisers. For this reason, we are unable to reinstate your account. Thank you for your understanding.
As a reminder, if you have any questions about your account or the actions that we have taken, please do not reply to this email. You can find more information by visiting [stinky link].
Sincerely,
The Google AdSense Team
Google Ireland Ltd.
Gordon House
Barrow Street
Dublin 4
Ireland
Registered in Dublin, Ireland
Registration Number: 368047
This email may be confidential or privileged. If you received this communication by mistake, please don’t forward it to anyone else, please erase all copies and attachments, and please let me know that it went to the wrong person. Thanks. >>
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So now it’s over. I have nothing to reply to. I have always been innocent but I remain guilty at all times. I can’t fight against the machine. The robot doesn’t care. If you think robots are kindm helpful and play by the human rules, you are wrong.
I think some of you may not understand the full picture: we are nice people doing nice stuff, but bad guys hack on us and Google says: “you should all die, I don’t care, I am the first living ROBOT and humans have non-essential questions; by the way, humans are always wrong. If you can’t send them to jail, just kill the naughty humans on the spot”.
My Dear Google,
You got it wrong but it’s only me that suffers.
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GOOGLE IS A KILLING MACHINE, A CORPORATION THAT HAS BEEN INTRODUCING ROBOTS INTO OUR LIFE TO MEASURE AND CONTROL US. LAUGH NO MORE!
The only pleasure Google has, as a robot, is to see you die just because you are a human being. If the robots can go after the baby in our womb, they’ll kill it with even more enhanced pleasure / efficiency.
GOOGLE is a poison we all have to drink. It will eventually kill all of us to create a docile Internet populated by robots, but, if you are alive for the moment, please spit on Google by boycotting it. This organization is a hydra that know everything you do, knows where you are, has the picture of the front of your house, your private data, everything.
They’ve killed my expectations already just because I was a nice guy and told them the truth.
Google.com is a robot organization! Stay away from it! BOYCOTT GOOGLE!
I typed this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?
Yesterday I found on the Net a former colleague, maybe even friend. We haven’t been in touch for about fifteen years. I saw her last time in Europe, where we both used to live. Now she’s in North America and I’m in the South Pacific. So many years and so many miles apart, I thought of something that we must have in common, something that’s so universally valid, that I can share with my friend and she’ll immediately understand and perhaps agree. I dedicate this mockopost to Vianora.
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One of the silliest things I can think of is shopping. And I absolutely love it!
I fully accept that shopping is therapy for depression, obesity, measles, catalepsy and many other conditions I claim not to have. People go shopping even when their account is in red, they get deeper in debt, yet they fell better. If a new pair of slippers could make you fell reborn, a new car will take you straight to Nirvana (I experienced it eight times).
The daily act of shopping is a bit like having sex, maybe with a softer ending, but safer, generally speaking. Sometimes it can involve a little redundancy (daily dairy shopping across the road) but this is like being in a strong matrimonial relationship: loads of fidelity and no surprises. Yet some other times shopping is a heavenly experience: go to Paris or Melbourne, Milan or Tokyo, get a cab and ask the driver to stop as soon as you see a shop with the letter ‘N’ third on its name or just walk on a busy commercial street and pick the seventh shop on the left. Go in and I bet you’ll find something to buy. Now, this is like having a one night stand and waking up with no hangover and the love of your life bringing you breakfast in bed. The only significant difference is that with shopping you can experience this far more often than in real life.
Shopping is power: I can buy; therefore I must have money, which means I’ve got the power.
Shopping is kindness: I can buy something for you; therefore I show you how much I care and how important you really are for me. (And shopping for YOU means even more power: I’m so powerful that I can even afford to buy it for you, not for ME.)
In a way or another, for many years I sold stuff or I advertised for other people’s stuff so they could sell it better. I know the look in the eyes of a person who wants to buy as well as the expression on the face of somebody who can not afford buying. Shopping is a drug. It is more addictive than nicotine, it is compulsive and unforgiving. Its high is very short lived when compared to how much you spent for achieving it and, what’s worse, shopping is not only legal, but encouraged. In fact shopping is the vital force of our society and one of the few differences between our species and the others.
Having had a lot to do with shopping and selling, I thought I may write a book on how NOT to buy stuff. I’d put really cool little secrets in there, like how not to make eye contact with the salesman and how not to… Forget it! I’m hoping a smart publisher will read this blog and offer me a contract for the printed, podcasted, DVD recorded and the online versions of How Not to Buy. Sorry, this is why I won’t disclose any tricks in here. (Not just yet.) I hope you’ve enjoyed the introduction though.