Archive for the ‘MOCKOPEDIA’ Category

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The Mockocast

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Soon our best mockoposts will be adapted for the Internet and mockocasted! (This be voice you can listen to if you can’t be bothered reading or if you just can’t.) No, at first there will be no pictures; just use your imagination. (That be the top half of your IQ.)

A team of webmasters, sound engineers, voice-over artists and some radio personalities, togehter with a few notorious bloggers, a bunch of ex-international journalists and many other equally important folk, one of them making a cup of tea, are working as we speak to insure that the mockocasts will be produced can be released soon. The very first episode will only be launched as a collectible edition!

In the future the mockoteam will present interviews with celebs incognito and even live mockocasts from our IP studios, but one step at a time!

Step one: mobile fone in hand or eyes on your PC screen! Step two: stay tuned! Step three: just stay there a bit longer, yes, slightly to the right! That’s it!

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Posted in Art, Electronics, General, LIVE MOCKOBLOG, MOCKOPEDIA | Comments Closed

The Swine Flu Journal

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

SwineFlueAffected

I should have written this daily, like a dairy, as I am a swine flu denier turned into a believer by the very touch of the disease. Instead, I’m just going to highlight a few stages in how I have perceived this flu.

This log may be written post factum, but it is true and it may make useful reading for those in the Northern Hemisphere, who have not come across this illness in the cold season. I have. The swine flu struck New Zealand, my country, during the Australian winter. There may be a vaccine ready for the likes of the North Americans, Europeans and Asians but I wonder how many will get it in time and how effective is going to be.

The calendar bellow is approximated but the chronological order is right. I apologize for any things that may have been misplaced in this article as they rushed out of my memory.

April 2009:

–          I get the seasonal flu shot and I’m not supposed to be affected by the ordinary flu this winter;

May 2009:

–           First serious news of a swine flu epidemic are originating in Mexico and start spreading around; they eventually rich New Zealand;

–          I get sick and spend three days at home, blaming them on the vaccine taking effect;

–          jokes on this flu appear first, then a few cases

–          some schools with a few cases close for a day or two;

June 2009:

–          mockoblog.com posts pictures related to the swine flu (still accessible on our site) and blames it on the pharmaceutical companies who are the main beneficiaries when it comes to selling anti-viral drugs and vaccines;

SwineStart

–          more and more of my work buddies take sick leave and other people I know stay at home with “the cold”;

–          my preschooler son is ill for about two weeks and three doctors give him three different treatments, none working;

–          this international flue riches pandemic level, which as high as they get;

–          one day at work I feel feverish and I develop sore throat, headache and cough in a matter of hours, I drive to my doc a he comes out with a mask on his face and checks me by my car, outside in the parking in front of his medical practice (he finds me good enough to stay home for five days with nothing else than pain killers; I want to go to work because in this country no work equals no money but I have to stay at home);

–          a swine flu free phone number is launched in New Zealand and my town opens a Pandemic Flu Centre which is the only one to be contacted by those who display flu-like symptoms (patients with flu are not allowed to see their normal GPs);

–          toys and other objects that could facilitate contamination are removed from public places and institutions like banks, large stores, medical centres and get replaced by bottles of antiseptic (many of them manufactured by 3M – have you heard of this brand before?);

–          some places offer free surgical masks, not many;

–          my wife is heavily pregnant;

July 2009:

–          my older son books his holiday in Europe (where it’s summer, unlike down here) but he runs a fever and sleeps a lot;

–          statistics on swine flu cases find their way up the news ladder in this country with the first confirmed deaths;

–          it is announced that test will not be carried on all suspected cases because there are too many anyway;

–          my wife starts coughing two days before having the baby;

–          my older son feels better but still coughs a lot;

–          in hospital with our new born daughter my wife tries not to be heard coughing because she fears both could be sent home;

–          they come home three days after birth and my wife runs a very high fever, so we call the swine flue dedicated line and ask what is to be done when a mother with a new born has flu symptoms; we are basically told not to worry,;

–          next day my wife goes to the pandemic flu centre and demands to be told what the flue does to little babies (nobody seems to know); she is finally given a test and sent home;

–          next day her GP calls us with the news that the test could be positive;

–          next day the confirmation arrives so my wife has the swine flu and at that stage there are about 300 confirmed cases in this country of about 4,000,000 (only about five death though); no treatment is given to her whatsoever;

–          medical authorities reckon that 80% of the population will get this type of flu;

–          my older son travels freely to Europe and his temperature test is passed in an Asian airport; we don’t know if and how may people in how many countries he may have passed the germ to (perhaps none);

–          our preschool son feels better and can go back into community;

–          I go with this younger son to the flue centre to get tested but this is not necessary, as we are presumed to have had the infection; we are not given any medicine but the pandemic Flu Centre is quite SF-like, everyone wears masks and what seem to be disposable suits, there are guards at the entrance and eight pairs of doctors and nurses work in small cardboard-like boxes with truck loads of patients in a very efficient way; I am told each team sees about 200 cases per day; what’s more touching is that all this centre is improvised in a large ex-garage,  bleak post-industrial building and the atmosphere is so much like M*A*S*H that we take photos inside

SwineFlu110709

–          news of dangers for pregnant women and unborn babies emerge from Australia while in New Zealand statistics run hot: nine out of ten cases of flu are “swine” and only one “seasonal”;

–          I calculate my own stats: if 8 doctors see 200 patients a day this makes 1600; of those 1440 may have the swine flu; if these ones have an average of two other people close to them, due to the highly infectious virus, those also have to be counted, which brings the daily total to 4320; in two months this may be about 260,000 people; my town’s population is just over 400,000;

–          one day I get very sick again, this time I drive home and I check my temperature: 36.3 Celsius at 6:00 PM and 39.9 at 9:00 PM, after taking Panadol (Paracetamol); at night I almost cough my soul out of my chest, and I have severe pains, including o huge zone in my right lung;

–          next morning I’m at the Pandemic Flu Centre again and I am told that this type of flu can come back; I feel better, though the pneumonia-like symptoms and some fever are still there; I get Tamiflu (not a prescription from the pharmacy, the doc gives the pills to me directly and asks me to take them for five days); I need to go to work as I have used all my annual holiday with this illness and there’s no way an employer would cover the medical costs and accept the losses of the pandemic, at least not in this country; the doctor writes a note and says: “It is one of the few times when I get to issue an order. I ORDER you to stay in isolation for five days. I’m sorry about your employment, there’s nothing we can do about it”;

–          I spend five days at home taking Tamiflu every 12 hours and feeling quite healthy, just coughing; my family seems healthy as well, including the on e travelling in Europe;

August 2009:

–          we’re all coughing a bit;

–          I lost two weeks of work which pretty much means I have to not take much paid holiday for a coupe of years;

–          we know now that the swine flu is not good for the babies and their mums;

–          given how infectious it is, in a scarcely populated country like New Zealand, I estimate that the swine flu has already affected 20-35% of the population, with higher impact in urban centres; lately small swine flue medical bases are closing down and the large ones will follow next week (I guess all the big orders for Tamiflu and the yet-to-be-developed vaccine have been placed);

–          our newborn daughter has not been seen by any medical professional in her first five weeks since she left the hospital because we were considered “lepers” after one of us was confirmed with the swine flu; she now coughs and has mild fever;

–          my medical insurance does not cover this type of disease, after all a milder than normal  influenza;

–          I pay 22% taxes on my wages and, on top of this, 12.5% taxes on everything I buy.

What country are you going to be living in when the swine flu strikes your family, mate?

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Posted in Conspiracy, General, MOCKOPEDIA, Travel | Comments Closed

Robots and Humans Can Chat

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

I’m sorry for the kind of boring info bellow, but I think many of the humans still alive and kicking on this planet have been through experiences like that. I make no apology for the true info in the text bellow. If the other party concerned (which happens to be the host of the mockoblog) has any serious issues, you may see this site down. I am disclosing here more of my personal info than their corporate info anyway. Let’s just say I have recorded this conversation for training purposes. I have only made spelling corrections, the rest is as it was LIVE minutes ago:

All our operators are currently assisting others customers. You are currently in position 2 Thank you for your patience. An operator will be with you shortly.

You are now chatting with ‘Victor’

Victor: Welcome to Live Chat support, how may I help you?

Victor: Hello Alex

Victor: How may I help you today?

alex: I am a very upset guy, in New Zealand. Your services are so bad!

alex: it’s 2.40 am here

alex: i have a domain with you and my site is hosted with you

alex: are you a robot?

alex: Victor, are you a robot?

Victor: No, I am real human being

alex: That’s nice to hear.

Victor: We are sorry for the inconvenience caused to you

Victor: Please let me know your queries

alex: Look: you guys lost my site last week ago, it went down for 24 hours and being a blog-type I lost a lot. I complained and I thought we came OK in the end.

alex: I’m not so concerned about losing 12 days of my intellectual property and of my users’…

alex: .. I know it cannot be fixed…

alex: I Received many messages from your service support and from your billing department, may of them polite lies…

Victor: Ok

Victor: Are you not able to access your website ?

alex: but now this exceeds all: I wanted to add a new domain, which should be free, the name is SWAPID.COM, and as soon as I clicked on it and it was available, I got NOT one but TWO bills for it!!! It was supposed to be free!

alex: are you a robot, mate?

alex: of course now i can access my website, i just lost 12 days of it

alex: THIS IS NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT LOSS, it’s about how you guys carry on robbing me

Victor: No, I am a real human being

alex: I’ll be silent now for a few moments, maybe you reply.

Victor: I am going through your question, please give me a moment.

alex: Hi human being, sorry Victor, you are offering good customer service, it’s just the brand you work for that does not.

Victor: Thank you for your patience…

Victor: As per my understanding you have been charged twice for the domain name registration, right ?

alex: Kind of yes: I should not be charged at all for registering the second domain, as it is advertised by you guys. Thice is two times too much I’m afraid. I just want to secure and park that second domain until I am rady to use it.

alex: Can you please reverse the charge(s) on my VISA?

Victor: Alex, regarding your issue I will request you to please send an email to our billing department at billing@justhost.com

Victor: Our admins will provide you the details in this regards

alex: GOD! You are impersonating the email reply! I have already done this!

Victor: Please provide me the ticket ID

alex: Look Victor, I appreciate your patience and good will. EVERY single step I had with Just Host since I got the first domain with you WAS WRONG. I have received tonnes of excuses and some free services I don’t necessarily need. All I want is to be square on what I get and how much I pay for it. It is pure robbery on your side, mate. YOU can forward my requests to any department you may wish to. I need my money back and my services JUST NORMAL. Not to mention the amount of data your server lost from may main site. Does it sound reasonable to you?

alex: I am looking for the ticket ID, there are a few because I had a few issues with your company. Please wait.

Victor: Yes, sure

Victor: Are you there ?

alex: A good old re: ticket would be 304117, but there are new ones: 323183; 323187; 323193 and 323199. There may be more.

alex: Not only that I am here, but I’m wasting my fifth night in two months since I got stupid enough to become a customer of Just Host’s. The very first night i wanted to secure a domani with you I spend two hours on the phone New Zealand to Europe (charged to my phone account) to sort basic stuff out.

Victor: Please allow me some time to check

alex: Victor, do you realise how upset I am? I know it’s not your personal problem but if it is, it would give me a great deal of satisfaction to know that you have claimed some stress benefit from JustHost. I am allowing you time, sorry mate.

Victor: Thank you for your patience…

Victor: I will create the ticket on your behalf

Victor: Please provide me the domain name for which you have been charged twice

Victor: Is it SWAPID.COM ?

alex: A new ticket? That’s great! Could you please mention o this magic ticket that: 1. I shall take Just Host to court unless all tickets are solved ASAP (ASAP=24 hours); 2. I expect NO charge for a new domain added to my account, AS ADVERTISED; 3. Written explanations from a manager who has a phone number I can call.

alex: Yes, that’s the one.

alex: I only went for SWAPID.COM because I had the chance to get another one free.

Victor: You can host unlimited domains under your single hosting account for free

Victor: But if you want to register the new domain name then you will be charged $14.95/year

Victor: We are sorry for the inconvenience caused to you for the delay in the response for the tickets that you have plaved

Victor: placed*

alex: Finally, we agree on some small topic, Victor. The point is my VISA was debited before even the confirmation of this domain appeared on my other screen. It was supposde to be free.

Victor: I have checked your account

Victor: And found 1 outstanding invoice

alex: OK. You make sense. What do we do now? I AM sure you are not a robot and I am sincerely sorry to have taken you through so much trouble.

Victor: Have you charged twice for that

Victor: ?

alex: Shall we take it step by step? If yes, the outstanding invoice souled have been cleared by now, it was issued for a service that was actually small compensation for the loss Just Host caused me.

Victor: You have been charged for swapid.com as $14.95

Victor: Each additional transfer/registration costs $14.95/year for each extra domain name.

alex: I don’t think I should be charged for swapid now, it is not hosted, I just need to secure that domain, then, when the site is up,. it will be hosted by you. But the way your web buying system is designed kives no chance to customers.

alex: No, no, no! Back to square one. Victor, I am entitled to one extra domain for free, I get this advertised when I log in for my main one.

alex: Do you think FREE equals $14.95? If yes, I’m glad to pay it.

Victor: Alex, you can register the domain name and you can host it free

Victor: Are you getting me ?

alex: Please don’t be a robot again. it’s 3:20 AM here.

Victor: You will be charged $14.95 /year for domain registration

Victor: You can host it free under your single hosting control panel

Victor: As you have outstanding invoice because of that reason your domain name is not yet registered

Victor: Please clear the outstanding invoices then you will be provided with the new domain details

alex: OK, my fault. So I do have to pay for ther registration. I do have SWAPID.COM now, but hosting is free! That’s cool. I see. I just don’t understand how can you guys advertise for free stuff for life if you charge straight away?

Victor: You can host it for free

Victor: You can add that domain as addon domain from your control panel

Victor: An add-on domain is just like having a separate web site.

Victor: First clear the outstanding invoice

alex: Part two now: the outstanding invoices, wait a minute, I’ll show you how we got to this and how JustHost actually cleared the invoice, unless we are talking different languages. What is THE ITEM on the outstanding invoice?

Victor: You can check the billing details from your billing area

Victor: Please access the following link for your billing area

Victor: [email link]

alex: Would that be the invoice you are mentioning? I had an email about it the other day. It is relating to a lot of damage your company caued me. Please read and if it is not the one, I’ll access the link:

alex: HI Alex Thank you for bringing this to our attention. The invoice was sent in error and the charge has not been applied to your account. The daily back up has been added free to your account along with three months free hosting. I am very sorry for the inconvenience. Kind regards Chloe — Chloe Ingram Billing representative www.justhost.com

alex: Do I have ANOTHER INVOICE?

Victor: It is showing me that you have purchased the swapid.com as additional domain name

Victor: Invoice Number:   85393-14229959

alex: Ok, and it also shows on my online banking that the 14.95 dollars US (about 24 of my NZ dollars) have been debited from my VISA. It may be outstanding at your end. We are 12 hours apart. I don’t know.

alex: I have received that invoice as a .pdf, thanks. You are doing a great job. I have no clue as to why it doesn’t show as paid at your end. The money has been taken out of my card.

Victor: Alex, regarding your issue I will request you to please send an email to our billing department and provide them the account statements

Victor: Our admins will provide you the details in this regards

Victor: Is there anything else I can help you with?

alex: Could you be more specific? I have more issues than positive things going on with my Just Host account. Which issue do you think I should address first? The fact taht my main website was down for 24 hours? The fact that it was restored to a 14 days older stage? The 12 days of lost posts and comments on mockoblog.com? The lost traffic I had? The drop in credibility? The issues regarding billing first for services not yet provided? Your choice. I’ve had enough of this. Yet you’ve been a great communicator. Thanks Victor! There is REALLY nothing else you can help me with. As to your admins, I’m sure they’ll send me a few more emails. I collect them. OVER & OUT

Victor: Please mention your all issues in that email

Victor: I will also update our admins regarding your issue

Victor: You will be updated soon

Victor: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Victor: I have not received a response from you for some time and will need to end this session. If you need further assistance please log back in to Live Chat. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Thank you.

Victor: We are pleased to bring to your attention the following offer.

Victor: Let us take away any worries of accidental deletion or modification of your website or files by backing up your site on a daily basis. If you ever need a previous days backup, just let us know and we will happily restore or upload backups for you – $19.95 per year.

Victor: Have a nice day!! Good Bye.

Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

*

Posted in Conspiracy, Electronics, General, LIVE MOCKOBLOG, MOCKOPEDIA, Shopping | Comments Closed

Google Brings the Apocalypse Near – History in the Mocking VI – The Robots Are Here

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

I’m typing this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?

*

I am a human being. I was born. I am going to die. Google is not human. It was born, but it will never die. All Google knows about life is how to kill it. To call Google a “Virus” would be a compliment.

I have a story of soft poisoning and harsh stabbing in the back. Ironically for humans but quite normal for robots, this story is everlasting. Many of you, my readers, will come across this story here through Google itself because the robots have no life and can experience no death.

I just hope that what has happened to me is not a global trend. I know we all shall die but I’d rather see our species demise in a funnier way than the Terminator movies predicted.

*

This is the story of how Google killed me:

  1. I created a website (this one);
  2. I subscribed to Google Ads so they could place ads on my mockoblog and I could monitor the usage of my site;
  3. Somebody decided to go on my website just to click on the adverts, so I may get money from Google or just for the basic purpose of taking me out of business;
  4. I noticed an unusual level of clicks on the adverts compared to page visits, I knew who  might have caused it and I asked that party to stop immediately, I even tried to contact Google AdSense to prevent this from happening;
  5. Google measured the numbers and their statistics indicated that I was cheating (which was not at all the case) and I got disconnected from Google AdSense, which for me was the tool to measure the number of hits on my page and the potential interest in advertising there;
  6. Google sent me an email warning that I’m out and I only had one chance to appeal;
  7. I placed the appeal with explanations, as whatever may have looked bad from the Google point of view was just normal stuff at my end;
  8. The appeal was meant to be one-off, I couldn’t do another one ever after, but I knew I had always been corect an I was expecting justice;
  9. Exactly 48 hours after, I got this final reply:

<<Hello,

Thank you for providing us with additional information. However, after thoroughly reviewing your account data and taking your feedback into consideration, we have re-confirmed that your account poses a significant risk to our advertisers. For this reason, we are unable to reinstate your account. Thank you for your understanding.

As a reminder, if you have any questions about your account or the actions that we have taken, please do not reply to this email. You can find more information by visiting [stinky link].

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team

Google Ireland Ltd.

Gordon House

Barrow Street

Dublin 4

Ireland

Registered in Dublin, Ireland

Registration Number: 368047

This email may be confidential or privileged. If you received this communication by mistake, please don’t forward it to anyone else, please erase all copies and attachments, and please let me know that it went to the wrong person. Thanks. >>

*

So now it’s over. I have nothing to reply to. I have always been innocent but I remain guilty at all times. I can’t fight against the machine. The robot doesn’t care. If you think robots are kindm helpful and play by the human rules, you are wrong.

I think some of you may not understand the full picture: we are nice people doing nice stuff, but bad guys hack on us and Google says: “you should all die, I don’t care, I am the first living ROBOT and humans have non-essential questions; by the way, humans are always wrong. If you can’t send them to jail, just kill the naughty humans on the spot”.

My Dear Google,

You got it wrong but it’s only me that suffers.

*

GOOGLE IS A KILLING MACHINE, A CORPORATION THAT HAS BEEN INTRODUCING ROBOTS INTO OUR LIFE TO MEASURE AND CONTROL US. LAUGH NO MORE!

The only pleasure Google has, as a robot, is to see you die just because you are a human being. If the robots can go after the baby in our womb, they’ll kill it with even more enhanced pleasure / efficiency.

GOOGLE is a poison we all have to drink. It will eventually kill all of us to create a docile Internet populated by robots, but, if you are alive for the moment, please spit on Google by boycotting it. This organization is a hydra that know everything you do, knows where you are, has the picture of the front of your house, your private data, everything.

They’ve killed my expectations already just because I was a nice guy and told them the truth.

Google.com is a robot organization! Stay away from it! BOYCOTT GOOGLE!

*

I typed this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?

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Posted in Conspiracy, Electronics, General, MOCKOPEDIA | Comments Closed

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