Archive for the ‘MOCKOPEDIA’ Category

Internet Fun – Joke of the Day (NOT)

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Less than four days since I posted my opinions on a possible cause for the last Airbus tragedy, I have received the email I’m publishing bellow with almost no comments:


This brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, one of

the largest passenger

airplane ever built,

sits just outside it’s hangar

in Toulouse , France,

without a single hour of airtime on the clock….

image001

Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies

(ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the  ground, such as

engine run-ups prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi .

The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.

image002

Then they took all Four engines to takeoff power

with a virtually empty aircraft.

Not having Read the run-up

manuals, they had no clue just how light

an empty A340-600 really is.

image003

The take-off warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit

because they had All 4 engines at full power.

The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off,

but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc…)

image004

Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit

breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm.

This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air.

image005

The computers automatically released all the brakes –

and set the aircraft rocketing forward !!

With the following result……….

image006

The Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technology crew had no idea

that this is a safety feature so that pilots can’t land with the brakes on.

image007

Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough

to throttle back the engines from their max power setting,

so the $200 million brand-new aircraft

crashed into a blast barrier, totalling it.

image008

The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the

news blackout in the major media.

image009

This was because coverage of the story was

deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs.

image010

Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

image011

A $300 million aircraft meets wall.

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I do not know the original source of this email and I suspect it’s highly advertorial. I guess it could have been launched by an Asian competitor, perhaps one that has ordered even more A380s. Just a guess. But I like the interior.

Internet Fun – Joke of the Day

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

NOTE AT THE START OF THIS NEW SECTION: I get a lot of email that looks like borderline spam & junk. It’s neither. It comes from contacts I know and I’d call it copyright free. I read it most of the times and sometimes I copy it before I paste it in a new message and I forward it to other contacts (to make sure no bugs go wit it).  Most of this staff would circle the net and that’s it. Of course some of it can be harmful to your PC or even to your private data. This is why I’d rather post it here! Since it came unsolicited and with no author, I think this stuff is public domain anyway, so lawyers are trespassed! However, I’d like to thank to whoever writes these things for their involuntary contribution to my blog.

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Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns


Dear Dave,

I hope you can help me here.
The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.  He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?


Sincerely,

Sheila

——————–

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.  Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps.

Dave

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Feel free to add your own internet jokes here if you so wish, as long as they are decent stuff they won’t be removed. If you know the source, please mention it. What you post is your responsibility anyway.

Mockopedia

Monday, May 25th, 2009

This is a doomed concept. Or is it?

There may be some examples bellow that would greatly upset non-English speakers, like an old guy called Borges (though he was actually speaking some fine English). Some people just don’t believe that you can joke in a language as a context. Is a brick a better context. I guess so.

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Although nothing can be powerful enough to justify its own existence just by mocking anything else that is already in existance, new forms of life emerge from just mocking the old ones well enough to survive and to create offsprings which, in their turn, are weak enough to be targeted by bugs of all sorts.

Random examples:

T: TRIME = (a) A sequence of time when you are so bored that it would be a crime to even start considering that you might be able to find something to do.  Links: Paris Hilton.  (b) Just a genuine crime I think I did not commit, but if you insist, try me. Links: do you really want to know?

H: HIPOHYPERACTIVE = (a) A normal child, just better understood by his parents. (b) The same child, this time visiting his grand parents while mummy and daddy are going out together for the first time in seven years to celebrate the success of their divorce.

B: BLISTORY = This juicy word and even juicier concept is already on Google, where MockoBlog is not.

Please feel free to add your new and powerful words to this dictionary of the future. This service is free of charge on this blog until stock lasts.