Posts Tagged ‘politics’

How I Won Lotto (II) – The Insurance and the Lotto Gamble

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

Today I’ll explain the miracle of lotto: how to win.

Before we go any further, please consider your insurance policies.  Do you have a car insured? Your house, organs, teeth or maybe home contents, the grand piano, even a bank loan or your own life are insured. Good on you! I guess you have enough $$$ to pay for these insurance policies and you have heaps of peace of mind. Let’s say you’re insured against crushing your car and the amount they are going to pay you if you do something very naughty, like slamming your Porsche  into the Pentagon (it has been done, but not with cars) is going to be up to maybe two million dollars (that’s $2,000,000). OK, you did this very-very-very bad thing and the insurance has to pay for it. How many other people did bang their cars into one of the five sides of that well guarded building since you got insured? This kind of event is very unlikely, but the insurance company takes a bet. It gambles the money it makes from you and from many others against the odds. Surely a million people insured for a thousand buck each can pay for one bad driver causing a lot of damage, even a million bucks worth of damage, as during that time the money was invested and created profit anyway. This is a scenario involving big numbers and unlikely events. Let’s analyse the more probable combinations. Let’s say you pay $10 every month to insure your car. Let’s say every ten month you crush it and it costs $1000 to get it fixed. This means that your insurer believes that there are more then ten drivers like you (same age group, same type of car, same driving history, etc.) who will pay the same to have their cars insured but will not crush them. It’s a very simplistic explanation. In fact it’s not only that the company who insured you had done its homework on risk factors, and it’s just collecting money from the ones who keep out of trouble to pay for the likes of you. No! They also make sure you pay in the end. They may have an excess factor, like: “howdy, if you mildly crush your car we’ll pay you up to its full value, but you have to pay the first $500” and “sorry mate, you were paying only 10 bucks a month because you had no claim history, now you have to pay $25 for the next five years. Non-claim years, by the way…” Do you fell ripped of? Of course not! What if it were you? If you have a problem, the nice guys from the insurance will pay for you. It’s just another tax: the tax on your peace of mind.

Lottery is worse. A guy I’ve never met called it tax on stupidity.

I guess he was right to some extent. Yet I believe that both the insurance and the lottery are actually a taxes on the mortality of the human being.  Robots don’t take life insurance of their own and they don’t gamble. They have nothing to loose, thus no fear. That’s because live has no value for them (fair enough, since they don’t have one).  For us how we live our only life is bloody important. If I get sick and I have no money I may die two decades sooner (insurance). If I crush my bike into the Hubble Telescope I may have to pay for the rest of my life, thus my life would be forfeited (insurance).  If I’m broke but I can buy an $5 lotto ticket and I don’t win, I’ll be the same, my life perspectives won’t change (lottery). But if I buy a ticket and I win the first prize of many millions, yes! I’m the man! My life is finally worth living, it’s almost as if I die a little bit less than you guys do (lottery).

Gambling is in our veins, more precisely in the cells that flow through our veins and more precisely in their nuclei but particularly in the chromosomes, to be exact in the genes that programme us to die.

We’ve been gambling since we came out of the egg in the wild, we took our chances by stepping out of the murky waters onto the sand, and then we dared climb down the tree and never returned. That’s if you think Darwin was right. I happen to have in my study his big blue book bound in leather. Bigger than the Bible and I dare say equally boring. As to the truth value of these books, I cannot judge. The truth hurts, yet telling the truth kills.

I’ll tell you some truth today. It’s the truth I believe in as deep as I believe in my alien grand-grand-grandma.

Let’s play lotto: you against the National system that runs the game. Remember the insurance equation many of us are part of? Think of this less consequential one: what if I buy a $10 ticket? The next draw could be up to ten million! Do this every week of your active life…

In a system that draws 6 numbers out of 40, which is generally speaking an user-friendly lottery, more likely to run for a limited time and/or in a small country, every line you pick has 6 numbers and you need a few of them to win. This is how it works:

  1. The first ball is drawn: you have 1 chance in 40 for each number you play, that is 6/40;
  2. If the first ball was lucky for you, for the next one you have 5/39 chances;
  3. (and so on)
  4. (and on)
  5. (and on)
  6. By now, when the sixth ball is drawn, you have 1/35 chances to get it right. That’s on top of being so good as to get all the other ones.

Simple maths tells us that to get 6 out of 40 numbers you have a chance of 1 in 3,838,380. What does it mean? Say each line of lotto is costing you $1 and you buy an average of 10 for every weekly draw, your chances improve by 10, so you really have chances of 1 in 383,383 to win the big prize of the first division. But maybe you are already rich and you can afford to spend $100 weekly: this improves your chances another 10 times, so you will get the top prize with a rough probability of 1 in “only” 38,383. If you pay $100 weekly for every one of the 52 weeks of the year, you only need only 738 years and 1 month to get it! If this news is not good enough, try to just pay more for your tickets: if you gamble $1000 every week it improves your chances but not it may not be enough, as you still have to wait (space of probability, no guarantee, you may win tomorrow or not at all) for about 74 years, which is really not my cup of tea. Of course, you may gamble even more every week, but who would? If you are a millionaire already, I doubt you would be spending your millions on an investment that only has a rough chance of 1:40,000 to generate big profit.

20040229_dur_r34_047.jpg

So why do we play lotto? (Please note: I did not ask rhetorically “why do we gamble?” because general gambling is as different to the National Lottery as Uma Thurman is to Danny DeVito. (No offence to either, just two different typos. By the way: I stole these photos off the Internet with no copyright so I may be fined like the Jammie Thomas-Rasset woman who pirated 24 songs and is now to pay $2M.)

danny-devito

If you want to be in for the big lucky one, go lotto! If you want to stand a chance, go to an honest casino. On Black Jack your chances are nearly 50-50%. On the French Roulette not so good, but a straight bet may win you about $35 for every buck you gamble. That’s more than 100,000 times more likely than winning the big lottery.

This is no promotional stuff for any gambling institution. All gambling is bloody bad (unless you win). Yet winning in a Casino is far more likely and more people do so than on the big lottery stage. However, a BIG win is more attractive because it’s more likely to be a life-changing experience. Be a nice homeless guy, find a coin by the kerb, enter the lotto shop poor, buy a ticket and tomorrow you’ll be a millionaire giving $$$ to charities to keep other people off the street. That’s perfection. Reality is not.

What most people don’t get is that regardless how big the pot is, your chances are just based on how much you spend (how many options you buy). In fact, on a big jackpot you risk more: even if you win, it is more likely that there will be other winners to share the prize with you.

Still remember the insurance business? Your chances to bang into the Pentagon are even smaller than you winning lotto’s first division. What do you want to do? (You don’t have to do anything, yet life is short, thus you’d better spice it up!) I would chose French Roulette (not to be confussed with Russian one).

Roulette110807

Meanwhile I’m signing off to go and check my lotto ticket. By the way: guess if I have insured my car?! (Hint: I drive a British red turbo.)

Internet Fun – Joke of the Day

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

(Disclaimer: Whatever comes as unsolicited email is unsolicited email. I may adapt, enhance or delete most of  it  but these changes will only relate to the  fundamental meaning and the channel of transmission. The rest stays as it is.)

The Swine Flue has arrived in my little town in the middle of winter, which is really good timing.

Now look, no kidding! If it’s a pandemic, when would you rather have it? In summer, when you are on holiday catching the big fish, when you have to mow the lawn or when you are already pissed off because you have to go to work when everybody else is on vacation? I’ll have it in winter any day, thank you very much! Give me more bugs now, maybe I get some sick leave, maybe I still pretend I want to go to work and I don’t understand while are all avoiding me. Winter is the time when you’re best to stay inside anyway, so it’s the right season for home quarantine.

For the moment this is a rather mild disease anyway. The vast majority of us get well in no time, with almost no side effects. Look at me!  I’m already cured and I never felt better:

SwineFlueAffected

I have to admit that the World Health Organisation has a point: we should not call it Swine Flu. It’s actually Human and the pigs are the victims of our aggression. Who would you blame in this incident of inter-species contamination? Is it the pig who is confined to its pen and has no choice but to communicate in its normal and friendly way? Or is it the human, conqueror of Troy, Mount Everest, the South Pole, the Outer Space and Destroyer of the Moa bird, of the Bengal Tiger (almost), not to mention other species I don’t really know but of which there were many, perhaps including the dinosaurs who managed to survive the first alien spacecraft departure? Take a moment and look intently at this snapshot of what we call humanity but Al Gore is right to call Global Warming:

SwineStart

What really puzzles me is what the trained eye can see in the right lower corner!

Casually wearing a sandal (just to remind everyone of the Roman military might and international ambition), guess who is actually supervising, if not encouraging this “accidental contact”!

Do you need a clue? I’ll give you two:

a) it starts with PHARMA___ and ends in ___CEUTICAL;

b) sorry, you don’t really need the second word because you may place it first.

The Shortest Oxymoron

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

MY EX

For you guys and girls, distinguished gentlemen and ladies or just losers scattered across the planet, for all of you who don’t use English mainly, this may not work quite as well. But you may not be reading my blog anyway. Fair enough?

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My Ex

Just four letterers make “My Ex”.

It only takes two words to describe the most antagonistic semantic combination: “My Ex”.

When we call something “mine”, that means we really have it, it’s even personal and we normally have some degree of control over it (him/her).

When we call something “ex”, that’s history! That thing or that person is not anymore bound to a relation that involves belonging to another thing or person.

If I say “my leg hurts a bit because I’ve just been partially run over by a train” you can almost feel it’s MY leg, as if it were yours. If you say “my elected member of the Parliament is corrupt” I may suspect you are from the other side, but I would still accept that the unnamed politician represents you, therefore you can call him “mine” (I mean “yours”, not mine). However, the relationship between you and your dodgy MP may not be as strong as mine normally is with my leg.

“My” is a very short word, which means it may be old. Many Indo-European languages have “my” and “mine” starting with an “m”, which confirms it’s really old, like a “root” type of word. “M” is also found in most languages as the starting sound for the word that signifies “mother” because the babies tend to start mumbling along the lines of “ma-ma-ma-ma” when their brain becomes a bit human after they had passed the rather nonsensical stage of “ga-ga-ga-ga” (when their brain is similar in capacity to a fully developed goose’s). It’s hard to find a world that has a root older than one relating directly to your mum and to the ancient idea of mother (except for my grandma who lived to 99 and only died because somebody told her she might have the flu).

But “ex” is a relatively new word. It has nothing to do with young children’s lingo. No baby I’ve ever met was going about his/hers growing business singing along: “la-la-la-ma-ma-ma-ga-ga-ga-ex-ex-ex”. I must say my experience with bringing up babies is fairly limited (to just a few) and my true impact in their upbringing could be subject to further questions I would prefer to ask though my lawyer. Anyway, “ex” seems to be a Roman invention. The Romans did not invent much, but they were the masters of letting everybody know what other folk had invented. It was going like that:

Stage 1:

General, look! There’s a country over there.

Can’t you see I’m bloody busy polishing my hooves? Toe nails, I mean –

But, Sir, with all due respect, there’s country or something that looks like a country over there and it’s not on our map!

Soldier, shall I count to ten starting nine soldiers before you or should I just decimate you?

But – General –

(Splash)

Stage 2:

Lucius Pula, my beloved friend and companion, that fool deserved it. We’ll raise him a statue, won’t we? I mean, we’ll put his name on the list for fundraising when it comes to statues, won’t we? Just check on that new country and see what kind of inventions they have over there before we stage a siege or just crush them, like we did to the other ones. Send the news to Rome first, ’cause it’s taking longer to get the word to the Senate that it takes me to conquer this village and call it a province. Would you?

Stage 3: Coronation

Stage 4:

(Same legion, a bit older, new general)

Soldier!

Sir!

What was that country the Emperor conquered?

Which one, Sir: the really big one, the smaller but longer one with curvy conquests along the streets, or the one with the highest number of inventions?

The – errr – the whatever one!

That was Inventia Caesarea, My General! (note: this soldier uses “MY” for his general but only as long as his head sits on his shoulders)

Attack! Civilize these barbarians with the inventions we got from the other ones and send the slimmest courier on the fastest horse to Rome. (apart, to the henchman:) Get the gallows ready. What a nice invention! This soldier knows far too much.

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For the Romans EX was greatly important. Imagine: “EX PATRIA MVNDO”.

Later, on barbarian turf ex-colonised by the Romans, EX started to be not necessarily a positive thing, but great, nevertheless. Imagine “EXCALIBVR”.

In modern times, EX is still powerful and respectable, although it may have lost some of its original meaning. Don’t imagine. Just search Google. Expedia comes up first. Guess how much they pay for that! And they have nothing to do with the real meaning of EX, which is OUT OF.

Have you ever wondered why every single time you are kissing your lover and the cinema theatre catches on fire and all panic and die but you are the only survivor? (Not to mention you might have to change partner every time a new movie comes to town.) The answer is near: you are the only one who can read Latin (that’s the language the Romans used, though to add to the confusion all the other newer baby-languages that derived from Latin are called Romance and not Latin languages and some have nothing to do with romance at all). If you read Latin and if you are not heavily colour blind, you can see in the dark a little green lamp labelled EXIT. This means: ex (out) [from] it (the cinema). This is how the Romans saved many lives, including yours (several times, mainly when you were out with that fat one you hooked up with at McDonalds when you initially were with the one who did not like pink and dumped you after that pool game) and if they carry on like that they may oversave the amounts of people they overkilled in their rush not to conquer the World (a World as large as the Mediterranean Mare Nostrum) just to spread the inventions across.

You know, EX, though much neglected and perhaps less used than MY, is still a mighty word.

Hudson, we have a problem!

When these two strong words collide, we get cataclysmic results: My Ex. If I were to dictate over the whole of the English language, including the realm of computer storage devices and Internet shared files, the only real power I would like to master is the one that gives people (and robots, in the near future) the chance to not use this most powerful oxymoron. The positive MY and the negative EX are like matter and antimatter, just way more powerful than you can see in the newly released “Angels and Deamons” movie (based on Dan Brown’s book of the same title but of a lessr casting than the novel, which had none). Yet, while matter and bloody minus matter notions are merely theoretical, apart of a circullar underground shaft in the European Alps, mine are real. And, with no further ado, after such a long introduction, which is also called sometimes captatio benevolentiae, I’ll go straight to the subject:

I was invited and I went to an art exhibition. Surely, you are not too excited about it. It’s just an art exhibition. Boring stuff for most of you. But what if I tell you who the artist is? Would you go for guys like Van Gogh? Surely! Or maybe? What about an artist simply called My Ex?

I did go to the opening. And she wasn’t even there! I mean: HER exibition! This is why we call them”My Ex”. They are so unreliable! I was only one hour late!

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And I didn’t like all her work this time but I did find two of her paintings worth taking a photos of.

tesacocacorsairday06091

tesacocarollercoaster0609

If you are in Christchurch, New Zealand, you can see Cristina Silaghi’s work at the Coca Gallery until June 26th. That’s at number 66 Gloucester St.

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Stop Whinging

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

MockoBlog MockoLog #3

This must be one of the most frequently used opening lines in a blog entry: “Nothing worth mentioning has happened since my last post.”

But isn’t this the quintessence of human life? What did you expect to happen to you? Be ran over by a tram? Win the jackpot? Paint The Last Supper? Thanks God, you’re not only alive, but you also had a boringly normal and routinly common time. I bet you also had toast and butter for breakfast and there were only two emails in your inbox, one of them from your Ex.

It is true that out there, in the wide open world, some guys are really busy with less ordinary stuff.  It seems that all’s happening to them. The North Koreans launched two missiles today. That’s just after testing an atomic bomb the other day. I bet they don’t read this blog and I guess they don’t even write one. They are busy putting the bomb and the rocket together, just have to figure out which one better fits inside the other. Any idea?

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The other email I got was from my old mate Tim. What do you mean Tim who? Tim is the guy that doesn’t exist, yet sends emails. It’s a Platonic dialogue, though.

Tim says: ‘stop whinging, your blog s..ks’. That means he’s not reading it, which means I can publish his stuff without his knowledge and/or consent. But should I be doing him a favour? Perhaps I should, since Mother Nature hasn’t.

(I  managed to upload Fritz’s  famous travels in New Zealand. See Tim – A Tribute.)

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How can you say nothing is worth mentioning?

Life is so, so tasty! Let me give you an example:

1. think of mashed potatoes, quite a sizable serving on a large dark coloured platter

2. think of letting some bits only half mashed

3. add more milk then butter, olive oil is OK, but not much

4. then build a mountain on your plate, more like a volcano, with a large cone in the middle

5. sprinkle pepper (you’d already salted the potatoes when boiling) and  chopped spring onion (i’d use scissors)

6. no, not like that!

7. randomly!

8. yes, let the little green rings fall all over

9. think if it’s worth topping the volcano with a generous spoon of cottage cheese

10. stick a parsley leaf in the middle (a wee branch of dill will also do)

11. cover the edges of the platter with parmigiano/parmesan

12. set aside a pint of dark ale for later

13. thirteen is a bloody unlucky number (don’t ask me why, ’cause it’s never been for me)