Archive for the ‘Electronics’ Category

How I Won Lotto – LIVE MOCKOBLOG

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

(Nice title, isn’t it?)

19:41 – In less than one hour I’m going to watch the draw for a big lotto prize on TV. In a special way, this report is going to be live blogging, except for it’s not blogging at all.

THE MAIN THINK IS TO REFRESH YOUR PAGE AS MY LIVE COMMENTS WILL BE PUBLISHED AT THE BOTTOM, NOT IN NEW POSTS THAT APPEAR ON TOP!

The top prize is $25,000,000. [TRANSLATION: twenty-five million bucks]

That’s just the cash. You also get some change like:

–           a luxury boat (that’s not the most valuable item there, but I’ll always put a boat first and a house second – think of how many of your relatives live in houses and how many are basking in the sun on their own boat, even though the boat may be worth less than the linen cupboard in the house and requires more maintenance);

–           a couple of luxury cars (just in case you want to race your lover on a James Bond-like narrow road);

–          a credit card loaded with cash (not more than what most people make in their whole professional life working not 9-5 but sometimes 5-9);

–          an apartment (this is a house stuck between other ones);

–          Finally on the list: the house (actually a holiday home in a nice spot where you may moor the boat as well).

I bought three tickets. I’ll tell you what’s going on when the time comes. “Watch this space!” (If I really hate an expression, that’s the one: “watch this space”. So don’t bloody watch my bloody blog, or I’ll get bloody angry! Please just be decent and read it. Things to be watch are made in a certain way so they can be watched. You can watch a movie, a car race and even a volcano eruption. Or you can watch your step as you climb down that ladder. But things that come in writing should be red, not watch or should they? That’s bordering into communication theory and semantics again and lotto is far more interesting, as with lotto you can become a millionaire overnight, while the linguistic rubbish is only for the academia and other nerds.

So just read this space! (As though a space could be red!)
REMEMBER: NO REFRESH, NO LIVE MOCKOBLOG!

20:18 – Testing the live mockoblog stream (which is actually not a stream, but a quantified something full of redundancy and with just a little bit of new information).

20:22 – It works for my computer and for my smartphone (as long as I keep refreshing the page).

20:22 – Here’s the draw: 10, 35, 15, 6, 2, 39. (This already excludes one of my three tickets, the most precious one , the one with my families fayes of birth.)

20:24 – I realize that I have just invented a form of one-way communication which is slower than the telegraph, shallower than the television and as useful to you on your wedding day as the first grafitti you placed on your secondary school’s fence.

20:27 – This time I’ve got nothing to say. I’m just looking for my tickets sa I can check the numbers. Feel free to take a loo brake if you must.

20:29 – Are you still here?? I won!!!

20:29, Part Two – Just kidding.

Commercials: To experience the benefits of world’s first live mockoblogging session, all you need is to click on the coloured things on your right of your screen! No, not these ones! The ones that are powered by Google!
And remember:  THE MAIN THINK IS TO REFRESH YOUR PAGE AS MY LIVE COMMENTS WILL BE PUBLISHED AT THE BOTTOM, NOT IN NEW POSTS THAT APPEAR ON TOP! (Do you think they got the message about clicking the adverts? Shit, no! Look at the ratings – – – *@**@%**@@*!!! Cut! Take me off air!)
—————-
20:51 -The End

History in the Mocking (III) – The True about the Book: Past, Present and Future

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

The Mockoblog was mentioned yesterday on the Radio New Zealand National’s  (we think) most prestigious cultural programme:   Saturday Morning, hosted by Kim Hill (see http://www.radionz.co.nz/saturday  –  for archived audio interviews, podcasts, and information about featured guests and music).

For those of you not fortunate enough to live in New Zealand or to listen to its international and web casts, Kim Hill is like Oprah, with a few differences: her shows are made with less budget, have better content and the IQ average of the followers could be double (don’t quote me on this, I misplaced the stats this info is coming from, yet it may be underestimated).

Well, the mockoblog was not mentioned on air due to its merits. The producers didn’t look for it desperately. It was rather the other way around: I bumped into the show though an email. Kim had an interview about books, e-books and all sort of related stuff and this author could not help himself, wrote an urgent email on his smartphone and send it straight away. Here it is:

<<Dear Kim,

The book was born centuries ago as a veichle [sic!] for the story. Form vs content.

Yet the story had been created by the first humans to pass on information to the future generations. The stories were collective and intractive [sic!] in the old history of mankind but the book and now the ebook [sic!] became selfish forms, confining the screwing content and generating the concept of author.

The future of the story is its past: interactive as they are again, the true new books live on the internet, thus they are mortal and dynamic again.

Please check the concept of mockoblog as this is an example of new gendre [sic!] just being born as we speak. There’s an alternative history there, too.

Kind regards, […]>>

Kim red this email live on the radio and underscored the mistakes. I felt totally embarrassed. My English is poor enough. As it is. But the predictive text in my Nokia, which is perhaps the best fast spelling tool, is not good enough if you’re a bit slow with electronic devices, have big fingers, no glasses and don’t pay attention to the learning system inbuilt in this phone’s dictionary.  She said I was inventing the word gendre. I was not but maybe I should add it to MOKOPEDIA anyway:

Gendre = this is to gender and genre what mule is to horse and donkey.

Thank you Kim Hill! I’ll keep on listening your Saturday morning shows unless in a deep coma or worse.

*

Here the history of the book should have continued, but I was told by one of my many readers (that by now has exceeded two, excluding search engines and spammers) that my posts are too long and there size extends over the normal attention spam of the average blog reader. I tried to explain that my blog is not an average blog and that my readers are NO WAY average readers. I lost this debate, so, instead of telling you the true history of the book, I’ll just stop and just have my average dinner.

Yet, do you really think my posts are way too long?

*

PS:

About the what to do and the what not to do in a blog I may comment later. But the length of my posts is irrelevant anyway. As you will see in the near future, we will be rejected from the blogosphere, thus becoming (as in the theory of the Universe and other mathematical big stuff) a singularity. This is not a nasty blog at all, thus it doesn’t obey the rules of a blog. It’s a nice mockoblog and it has its own internal laws, if any. To compare the two notions, think of dictatorship (the blog) and democracy (the mockoblog).

Another feature of a sucessful blog is not to post twice in one day. The readers will only read the last stuff you’ve published. This may be true for their readers. Future will prove that the mockoblog doesn’t follow this advice either. Think of  Ronald Regan: he won the Cold War because he changed the rules of the game, of course. He was an actor for longer time than he was a president. The Soviet leaders, Gorby included, had always been communist politicians. Take their toys away and they’ll be lost.

The Devil in the Mobile Phone III (Just Cruising Before Crashing) – Updated!

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

WARNING: this post includes information that may have to be removed or will be removed without the author of this blog having to give consent to any edit on this post. If you wish to keep this post or parts of it, you should copy and save what you may need for your future info.

If I were to keep the record straight as in Star Trek this should actually be:

MockoBlog MockoLog # 7

I’m jinxing the evil eye of Google so they may not see this post and ignore it as they have done with all my sublime (mocko)work so far.

My 23 (twenty-three is like two every three days since I launched this blog) readers should feel relief and joy finding out that I was too busy at work to further test my slightly personalized mobile in harsh conditions like pubs, bars, late night pubs and night bars, not to mention jeans/denim back pocket while playing pool under the influence (a magic game I never actually get involved in, unfortunately).

All I did through these last days that involved Queen’s Birthday Weekend was to just have the new phone on me and go to work and back home. And back to work. And again.

Well, having a smartphone casually left on the table at lunch time in the work cafe triggers some comments. It goes like: “Oh, you have Internet on your phone!” or “Oh, I didn’t think Blackberry make them so small?” or “Is it an Ipod?”

I can’t be bothered answering these type of comments, I just say modestly, looking intensely at my plastic fork penetrating the plastic noodles: “No, it’s just – err, it’s just a phone, it was the best ever made when they launched it last year, but actually now it’s not, you can get a more expensive one, it doesn’t have the same features, but it will look bigger, with a bigger screen, you’ll pay for the screen and not for what it can do, so mine is still better. I mean, in a way – anyway, I love my noodles and this phone’s got GPS! See?! And real radio, listen!”

It’s such a cruel comment I’m going to make: the Air France flight from Brazil that was lost in the Atlantic might have had better phones on board.

But they were all switched off. I guess.

Not the phones interfeered with the Airbus’ fly- by-wire system or with its main computer talking with the land-based systems. I may be wrong but in 1994  an Airbus plane flying towards Paris had the auto pilot taking over from the human pilot. It performed jumps up and down, almost crushed the plane while the real pilot was trying to switch the auto system off. The plane went straight up and then down. I think I remember the pilot was then held as a hero, then silenced and perhaps he lost his job. The line that was operating that flight was Tarom. This is one saga I know of, but there might have been other ones. Please don’t take this as 100% sure, it’s just a blog anyway.

If any of my next to zero readers thinks this is a joke, please read:

????? ?? ?????

In case they remove it from the database, here’s a copy of the incident, as described in Franglaise:

INCIDENT TAROM
Le 24 septembre 1994 a 12H 45 le pilote du A310-325 perd le contrôle de l’avion en arrivant à Orly face Ouest. L’avion pique sur la ville de Villeneuve le ROI. A 240 mêtres du sol, le pilote réussit a redresser l’avion.

Incident description – Status:Final


Date: 24 SEP 1994
Time: 12.45
Type: Airbus A.310-325
Operator: Tarom
Registration: YR-LCA
C/n: 636
Year built: 1992
Crew: 0 fatalities / 11 on board
Passengers: 0 fatalities / 175 on board
Total: 0 fatalities / 186 on board
Location: Paris-Orly Airport (ORY) (France)
Phase: Landing
Nature: Scheduled Passenger
Departure airport: Bucharest-Baneasa Airport (BBU)
Destination airport: Paris-Orly Airport (ORY)
Flight number: 381

Remarks:
Tarom Flight 381 approach to Paris-Orly Runway 26 and the captain was at the controls. He decided to perform an automatic approach and landing. The flight crew started to put the aircraft into the approach configuration, with slats and flaps at 15/0 at 10.42:05, then at 15/15 at 10.42:53. The landing gear was extended at 10.42:57. Approaching the OYE beacon at indicated speed 250 kt and heading 325, before lining up with the runway, the Captain noted that the aircraft was not capturing the ILS glide slope automatically. He disconnected the AP and continued the approach on manual control, keeping the Autothrottle in operation. As the aircraft descended through 1,700 feet, at 10.43:22, with a speed of about 195 knots, the Captain asked for flap extension to 20 . The VFE, the speed limit authorized for this new configuration, is 195 knots. When the flap control was set to 20 , the thrust levers advanced and engine thrust increased. The flight crew countered the nose-up effect resulting from the increase in thrust by using the pitch controls, with the auto-throttle (ATHR) remaining in automatic mode. The throttle levers were then quickly brought back to the idle position. At the same time, the trimmable horizontal stabilizer started to move in a nose-up direction. The nose up effect that resulted was countered by the flight crew through gradual nose-down action on the elevators. When the trimmable horizontal stabilizer reached its maximum nose-up value and the elevators also reached their maximum nose down value, the throttle levers, according to the FDR readout, moved rapidly to their stops. In a few seconds, the flight path started to rise and the pitch attitude went to 60 . Witnesses saw the aircraft climb. It banked sharply to the left and the right and stalled before adopting a strongly negative pitch attitude (-33 degrees) towards the ground. The maximum altitude reached was 4,100 feet, while a minimum indicated speed of 35 knots was recorded. The stall and ground proximity warnings sounded during the descent. The flight crew managed to regain control of the aircraft, with the lowest point being around a height of 800 feet, that is 240 meters from the ground. The flight crew then performed a visual circuit, followed from the tower by the controller. The second approach was made with a configuration with slats and flaps at 20/20. Landing took place at 10.52:25.

Safety actions :

Source: (also check out sources used for every accident)
S185 ; FI 5-11.10-94(4) + FI 23-29.11.94(6); AW&ST 03.10.94(37) ; ASW 03.10.94(6) + 17.10.94(6) + 24.10.94(3); Bureau Enquêtes-Accidents Report on the incident on 24 September 1994 during approach to Orly (94) to the Airbus A 310 registered YR-LCA operated by TAROM (YR-A940924A)

*

A more famous Airbus incident happened the same year, this time all on bord died in Russia. The conflict between the autopilot and the human pilots was involved in this crush as well. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeroflot_Flight_593

*

I’ll get back to my mobile phone goodies in a later post. Let’s have a moment of silence for the 228 victims of the last Airbus crush – Flight AF 447.

*

On 28/06/09 I received on my email two photos that are thought to be taken on a Casio digital camera by Paulo G. Muller, a Brazilian passenger on that flight, moments before he must have lost his life. It is my duty to say that what can be seen in these pictures more or less destroys my theory and tends to point more towards an explosion, a possible terrorist attack. I have no further comments but I’m sure there will be readers who will.

airbus1decomp

airbus2decomp

*

Now that you’ve seen the pictures, I can tell you that they are just dirty advertising for a Casio digital camera, they arrive in your inbox as an email with a story about a Brazilian actor who took them on his Casio camera. The images are actually frames from the TV series LOST. My original theory on what caused that crash stands!

The Devil in the Mobile Phone II (It's Getting Worse)

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Hello again!

Can we put this in very fine print? Like: terms and conditions? So glad to see you again, especially knowing that YOU in fact don’t exist, ‘cause nobody’s actually reading this blog.

This should be Mockoblog Mockolog # whatever, but I won’t call a number because it’s mainly on one topic.

I disappeared for a few days trying to make sense of my new phone. This is like starting to look after a new born baby. With a wee difference: the mum’s at the pub, you’re not the father, the lights are off and the baby smiles like Sigourney Weaver’s lost alien first born.

It took me one day to get all the accessories I (thought I) needed, one day to download software and most of the next day to find and remove the software I didn’t need or it was not working or it was working when I didn’t want it to or it was simply just costing me money while it was sitting there and doing nothing.

Then I attempted to open the instructions, but I only got as far as page 49 out of 221. You see, it gets very personal around page 50 and I don’t feel yet prepared for it. General stuff, yes, no problems! Well, I mean why not give it a go?!

The first pages are just easy stuff: warnings not to drop the handset in boiling water and reassurance that if you do so and then attempt to pull it out with your bare hands, the manufacturer won’t pay your hospital’s bill + loud sound settings may damage my hearing aid (I had to go and get one to comply with this eventuality, as I’d never thought I really needed one before) + some parts of the phone may actually be internal and/or external antennae, thus I should not be surprised if I get too good reception or/and some devices around may start tweeting while the phone is in use (I had to subscribe to the Twitter website to comply with this one).

Another feature that I found considerably improved from my previous cellphone was the video calling. My ex-phone, four years old and not a smartphone, had videocalling as well. The problem was nobody else among my three relatives and considerably fewer friends did or wanted to use it with me. Now all this has changed and it took a dramatically positive turn when I bought my new phone: I gave the other one away and I can video call it as much as I want. At the other end, one of my close relatives (aren’t they all so close?) has two choices: to answer or not to answer. Let’s say it’s an answer! Then there are two more possibilities: the remote phone is set to receive video calls or it is not set to. In the latter case the call doesn’t proceed as a normal voice call, no, I just get hung up. But let’s say the right setting is on and I can video call! Then we need to find something important to show, not only to say. The video conversation goes like this:

“Hi, is that you?” (of course, I can see him)

“Can you see me?” (see above)

“Errr… so you are OK, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” (obviously)

“Errr, OK, show me something.” (embarrassed smile)

“OK, let me switch to the other camera to show you around.” (this is when I do something wrong and I loose contact, $2.50 later)

*

In fact this conversation should have been:

“Alpha Tango Charlie, do you copy? Over!”

(static)

“Alpha Tango Charlie, this is Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me? Over!”

“Alpha Lima Zulu, this is Alpha Tango Charlie! I can copy you! Loud and clear! Your little friend in Phuket sends smiles all over my phone. (brief switch to a secure channel) She misses you. Over!”

“Can you switch to visuals? Over!”

“Affirmative! Switching to visuals! Over!”

“Roger!”

“I’ve got visuals now! Alpha Lima Zulu, what’s that thing behind you??? Over!”

“It’s the – errr – roger me Alpha Tango Charlie?”

“Positive! What’s it doing? Switch to the main cam! Alpha Lima Zulu! Main cam! Roger?”

“Main cam online! Start rolling! Over!”

“Roger that! Rolling on HD visuals and sensors. What’s that thing? Over!”

“I’ve got company. Must cruise in two! What do Intelligence say? Over?”

(encryption gap)

“Alpha Lima Zulu! Intelligence reckon it’s just a launch pad. A dummy one. Over.”

“You gettin’ the frickin’ time delay link? Is it looped? Can you copy visuals? Rocket launch! Rolling? M.F.G. Burn! Burn!”

“Alpha Lima Zulu! Intelligence reckon this pad’s been used before. Got CONF from SATS. It’s Kim Jong Il’s son nomination. Fireworks and stuff, I guess. Roger that? Young chap Jong Un. Roger that? –  Lost visuals. Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me? Alpha Tango Charlie calling Alpha Lima Zulu! Do you read me?”

(white noise)

“What the – – – Intelligence, we just lost Numero Uno in the bloody filed! Over! F for F….ing Over!”

” Roger that. Not to worry, New Numero Uno!The French just lost a plane full of people. Intelligence over and out!”

*

This is what I call a video conversation. Even without video. And on Government’s money.

Yet video calling is not the best feature of my phone. Do you think GPS and GPS/satellite navigation is? I’ll tell you next time. Now I have to change some user profiles  to better personalize myself.