Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Due to a Technical Problem Which Occured with Our Hosting Services, All Posts and Comments Written in the Last Fortnight Were Lost

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

This Is Our Last Saved Mockopost:

HOW TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

Life is something nobody’s particularly good at. Do you want proof? Nobody’s survived it yet!

There might be people who think that Bill Gates, with his billions, is happier than some friends of mine who live with three kids on a single medium wage and have not had a holiday since they got married.  Yet they may not even want to compare themselves with the poor villagers in Ethiopia you may see sometimes on TV. Who’s happier? Does money make you happy? If not, what is? Is it health? Is it love? Is it seeing your children grow? Is it the sunset over your corn fields? Your late model Mercedes?  The fact that you just took a painkiller for that toothache? Your football team winning the series? Political freedom? The three pounds you lost last month with the vegetarian diet? Your cake that didn’t get burned when you were on the phone? Your favourite piece of Bach? The fish you caught to feed your village? Finding the true name of God? The discrete readjusting of your tight underwear? Is it a combination of those and of many more?

To understand happiness, you need to seek it. To seek it, you must not have it. Once you get hold of it, it becomes irrelevant. One may say that happiness is living in the present, that fine, immaterial membrane between the past and the future, carpe diem. I don’t think so. How many times have you wished you weren’t there and then doing whatever you had to do and prayed that nightmare would end and you would wake up to the real, much better present?

To make it easier, let’s assume that time did not exist the linear way we are inclined to accept it*. Let’s just suppose that you don’t live on a straight line with many moments from birth to death, like beds on a string. Let’s say today is not any newer that that rainy day when your oxen cart got stuck in mud three winters ago.  In my scenario today is not happening any earlier than they day of your funeral. Imagine there’s no universal time; you shouldn’t care about it anyway when you’re not around, because you are either long dead or yet unborn. The only good use for the past is to learn from it, rather from what we’ve been told by other guys the past might have looked like and this is very subjective stuff to say the least (think of the Bible as a story with many authors and many opinionated scribes working on it ages after things actually happened).

If the time wasn’t linear, all that’s important for you is the collection of moments that affect you directly, the ones that you have or will have a memory of or the ones who will mark you even without you remembering them. Think of a game the purpose of which is to score as many points as possible. The points are these little moments of your life. But how do you actually score? What’s the difference between a point you win and a point you loose? I’m no philosopher or anything like that but I think it’s intention. If you’re doing what you wanted to do and not what you have to because you were told so or because circumstances forced you, than you should be bloody happy and stop whinging about happiness, meaning of life and other crap!

I’ll give you an example of how to live life to the fullest, in happiness, as many moments as possible: It’s late in the afternoon. I just came home from work. I am hungry. My wife is asleep. She doesn’t work. The kitchen sink is full of dishes. The potatoes need peeling, cutting and boiling; the meat needs to be unwrapped, cut and fried. I shall empty the dish washer, fill it with dirty stuff, clean the kitchen throughout, dig the potatoes in the vegetable garden, drive about two miles to buy the meat, come back, peel the potatoes, wash them, put them in the pot, deal with the meat, cook it all and arrange it on a couple of large plates. It this then my intention to gently wake up my wife and present her with this bedside dinner.

Live like this and you’ll be forever happy!

(Disclaimer: some terms, quantities and usage of products and services described in this article may vary.)

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*Even in our simplistic way of understanding time, we should admit that it is not constantly linear. One day in a baby’s life, if the baby was born five days ago, means 20%, which is a huge proportion and could not be neglected. Yet a day in my life, now that I am about 100 years old, accounts for only around 0.00003%; I lived about 36 thousands of them, so each day means less; also think of think of hours, minutes, seconds. For a kid aged five getting that very toy today is more important than it is for you to get a pay rise the following financial year.

What to Get and What Not to Get from Switzerland

Saturday, July 11th, 2009

My best friend is in Switzerland on a business trip. He asked me if there’s anything I might like him to buy while over there. I have not travelled to that part of the world myself, but I had done my homework long time ago anyway and that’s what I asked him to get:

– Some Swiss chocolate;

– Some Swiss cheese;

– A Swiss Army knife;

– A precision Swiss watch;

– A Swiss bank savings account

He promised to get the Swiss Guard instead.

swiss-guard

(Photo stolen from somewhere on the Internet;  original text, though.)

Breaking News for the Normal Generation: Aliens Here!

Monday, July 6th, 2009

For the initiated: yes, she’s here. The wee alien lady is slowly adapting to this planet she calls MaBaAa and we call Earth. Future is here.

Please post no comments to this entry unless you are part of the right species.

Google Brings the Apocalypse Near – History in the Mocking VI – The Robots Are Here

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

I’m typing this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?

*

I am a human being. I was born. I am going to die. Google is not human. It was born, but it will never die. All Google knows about life is how to kill it. To call Google a “Virus” would be a compliment.

I have a story of soft poisoning and harsh stabbing in the back. Ironically for humans but quite normal for robots, this story is everlasting. Many of you, my readers, will come across this story here through Google itself because the robots have no life and can experience no death.

I just hope that what has happened to me is not a global trend. I know we all shall die but I’d rather see our species demise in a funnier way than the Terminator movies predicted.

*

This is the story of how Google killed me:

  1. I created a website (this one);
  2. I subscribed to Google Ads so they could place ads on my mockoblog and I could monitor the usage of my site;
  3. Somebody decided to go on my website just to click on the adverts, so I may get money from Google or just for the basic purpose of taking me out of business;
  4. I noticed an unusual level of clicks on the adverts compared to page visits, I knew who  might have caused it and I asked that party to stop immediately, I even tried to contact Google AdSense to prevent this from happening;
  5. Google measured the numbers and their statistics indicated that I was cheating (which was not at all the case) and I got disconnected from Google AdSense, which for me was the tool to measure the number of hits on my page and the potential interest in advertising there;
  6. Google sent me an email warning that I’m out and I only had one chance to appeal;
  7. I placed the appeal with explanations, as whatever may have looked bad from the Google point of view was just normal stuff at my end;
  8. The appeal was meant to be one-off, I couldn’t do another one ever after, but I knew I had always been corect an I was expecting justice;
  9. Exactly 48 hours after, I got this final reply:

<<Hello,

Thank you for providing us with additional information. However, after thoroughly reviewing your account data and taking your feedback into consideration, we have re-confirmed that your account poses a significant risk to our advertisers. For this reason, we are unable to reinstate your account. Thank you for your understanding.

As a reminder, if you have any questions about your account or the actions that we have taken, please do not reply to this email. You can find more information by visiting [stinky link].

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team

Google Ireland Ltd.

Gordon House

Barrow Street

Dublin 4

Ireland

Registered in Dublin, Ireland

Registration Number: 368047

This email may be confidential or privileged. If you received this communication by mistake, please don’t forward it to anyone else, please erase all copies and attachments, and please let me know that it went to the wrong person. Thanks. >>

*

So now it’s over. I have nothing to reply to. I have always been innocent but I remain guilty at all times. I can’t fight against the machine. The robot doesn’t care. If you think robots are kindm helpful and play by the human rules, you are wrong.

I think some of you may not understand the full picture: we are nice people doing nice stuff, but bad guys hack on us and Google says: “you should all die, I don’t care, I am the first living ROBOT and humans have non-essential questions; by the way, humans are always wrong. If you can’t send them to jail, just kill the naughty humans on the spot”.

My Dear Google,

You got it wrong but it’s only me that suffers.

*

GOOGLE IS A KILLING MACHINE, A CORPORATION THAT HAS BEEN INTRODUCING ROBOTS INTO OUR LIFE TO MEASURE AND CONTROL US. LAUGH NO MORE!

The only pleasure Google has, as a robot, is to see you die just because you are a human being. If the robots can go after the baby in our womb, they’ll kill it with even more enhanced pleasure / efficiency.

GOOGLE is a poison we all have to drink. It will eventually kill all of us to create a docile Internet populated by robots, but, if you are alive for the moment, please spit on Google by boycotting it. This organization is a hydra that know everything you do, knows where you are, has the picture of the front of your house, your private data, everything.

They’ve killed my expectations already just because I was a nice guy and told them the truth.

Google.com is a robot organization! Stay away from it! BOYCOTT GOOGLE!

*

I typed this post with only one finger. Guess which one!?